Posted by rskontos on December 14, 2007, at 15:47:39
In reply to Re: one more thing......tried to get therapist to see » rskontos, posted by lovelorn on December 14, 2007, at 15:33:38
thanks lovelorn
you are a voice of reason in this and I will print off your words. They helped so much. I do want to remember i think it is critical to getting better even if my t doesn't. I dont think i can understand all this emotion if i can t remember what causes the emotions. right now i am crying what for. the crying is coming from a little one that was hurt badly. how i don't know. i mean i have the feelings of the hurt. lately i feel the pain in the stomach, the tight chest, the hard to breathe. You know the pain of the trauma without remember what is happening just feeling like i am there. that is happening almost daily. yesterday going to pick up my son i was driving and a smell in the air whipped me back to some day something bad was happening i could smell that smell and i could feel the bad hurts, the stomach pain, the i can't breathe, the heaviness in my chest but i don't remember what the event was. my mind is still blank. I will be standing at the mirror getting dressed to go somewhere like the grocery and it will happen or i will get that out of body experience again. I left my body as a child, teenager and 20 yr old so often i can't tell you. I lost so much time. Whoever was present during that time i haven't met she got me through it, or shes got me through those times. And no one knew the difference.I agree with your statement to control or manage something you have to understand it and i don't because i don't remember. I know partially why i have them because growing up was painfully hard and unstable with my parents. what exactly went on i dissociated from because it was too bad and unstable. I also fainted alot. I was a mess. still am. the separateness from my body is called depersonalization and that means feeling unreal, removed from one's self and detached from one's physical and mental processes. LIke watching your life as if it were a movie. This is me. Yesterday during therapy it was like i was watching and listening to it like in a tunnel or one of those toy a kid has that has the colored shapes at one end.
Anyway, thanks so very much for listening. It helps knowing someone is out there. And i am not so alone....rk
poster:rskontos
thread:800802
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800810.html