Posted by muffled on December 12, 2007, at 9:49:17
In reply to Re: I went to T » muffled, posted by littleone on December 11, 2007, at 23:21:40
> I like your T!
*ya, she seems OK all right
> So did you end up drawing? Or did that go out the window when your T couldn't find the drawing stuff?*LOL! I dunno if she forgot,cuz they HIDDEN! or mebbe cuz I was talking or something so she let it go? I don't know,
> If you're worried about what the other one said and can't end up remembering, you could try writing to that kid and asking her what she said. See if she writes back. Maybe, maybe not. But it would be interesting to see if it worked for you or not.*I haven't tried that yet. I don't remember still. Its really bothering me. When I was first going to T I usu didn't remmeber much sessions, I blanked out alot, but I haven't been blanking out lately, and I DON'T like to not remmeber. I guess B4 I wasn't so worried bout what I might say and now I am.
> > Other than babble, this lady is the ONLY person in the whole WORLD that knows I am what I am. She the only person in the whole WORLD, that I ever showed a diff part to and let it happen on purpose, and didn't try and stop it even though I knew what was happening.
>
> Proof that you're building trust up here. Take a little risk and see how it goes, take another risk and see how it goes, and so on until you take this huge risk. And yes it is scary and worrying because it is a risk. But your earlier risks have made it less risky and more manageable. It's such a great indicator of how far you've come muffled.*Yeah, your right, progress I guess. Thanks for reminding me. I never in a million years would have beleived I could do such a thing as I did. Partly cuz I still deny, partly cuz it takes alot of trust. I DID also mention in my email that I am NOT defenceless, to remind her....
> > Mebbe thats why she wanted to give me an arm punch-a croney gesture of affection. I let her. It was wimpy.
>
> This made me laugh :) Yes maybe you're t is whimpy physically, but she seems to be pretty good at mind wrestling.*Ya, she smart OK. LOL, it IS funny. ROFL I wonder if she LIKES this stuff that T, like its a challenge or something.
Though I shared Daisys post w/her, bout how T's sometimes back off cuz they don't like to see their clients uncomfortable. And my T admitted that she was guilty of that. She said it was a fine balance btwn pushing too hard, or not enuf. So mebbe she just HATES it like me.
> > Just wanted to tell you guys is all.
>
> Thank you for sharing. I love hearing how you're going.*Thanks. I like to hear about how peoples sessions went too.
> > T got me to promise to phone her B4 I drink. Man she slick. I keep promises, my word is good. WTF, I DON'T wanna phone her and say such a thing. So I stuck. MANOMAN that T is slick.....
>
> And now it's here for all of babble to see. Proof that you won't drink unless you call your T first. Cannot back out of that one muffled.*Sigh, no, I cannot back out of this one...though my crafty mind is thinking....hmmmm...I'll phone when she not likely to answer and HA! Too late, I DID phone HA! But I won't I guess, cuz if she answers,THEN WTF I gonna say??? She hates hangups, so I don't do that to her. UGH.
> > This is gonna be so friggin hard to do.
>
> Yeah, but beating it will be so good for you in the long run. Make sure you keep a list handy of coping mechanisms that will help when you're finding it hard.*Yeah, its for the best. Thats why I told her bout that I would stand by my word. I basically handed her the weapon...so I cannot knock her for utilizing it. Some part of me obvo wants her to. I guess I been getting a little scared.
Too much at once. Memorie pics, reality of them, splitness, the reality of it(though deep down I STILL stubbornly deny). Emotions and stuff. So much stuff.
Anyhow.
Its seems a slow process.
My T's emails seem to regularly contain the words "I know its been hard for you lately". I am getting VERY tired of hearing that....
Anyhow, on I go.
Take care, gotta run.
M
poster:muffled
thread:800256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800324.html