Posted by littleone on December 11, 2007, at 23:41:09
In reply to Re: evil bad horrible awful disgusting unworthy, posted by star008 on December 10, 2007, at 9:42:32
When I interact with my mother and respond to things she wants to talk about and reflect her feelings and whatnot (ie like holding up a mirror to her so she can see herself), then she is happy and things seem peachy.
The problem is that I'm not in that picture anywhere. I'm hidden behind the mirror.
If I try to talk about me or my stuff or things in my life (ie I drop the mirror down so she has to look at me), I get nil response from her. Absolutely nothing. It's like I never talked at all. I question whether I actually said anything, I question whether I'm even there or not, I question whether I even exist. I'm invisible. I'm a nothing.
During this past year I have conducted experiments where I say something to my mother and measure her response, then I say exactly the same thing to a couple of other people. It shattered me to learn how truly unresponsive my mother is. How truly invisible I am in her presence. I was truly shocked to understand how "normal" people respond to you. I've never had that level of response in my life.
poster:littleone
thread:799847
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800275.html