Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2007, at 13:18:49
In reply to Re: evil bad horrible awful disgusting unworthy » Bodhisattva, posted by littleone on December 11, 2007, at 23:52:42
Littleone, if you meaning by no caring feelings you are wrong you haven't meant anyone. I often tell my T I dont feel. When I am away from people, people that mean alot to me I don't think about them I don't remember them I don't care. I don't have feelings about much of anything. I am numb, I am flat , I don't feel . I have to make myself. So you have met someone else. My T and I talk continuously about getting båck those feelings.
What drove me to therapy is I looked around one day and said to myself why don't I feel and why don't I care. People laugh at stuff I don't because frankly I don't care too. I have to force myself not to forget I can still feel. But I have to be careful the parts of me that have feelings, whoa those feelings are out of control. They get way out there.
In having children it has been a struggle to keep caring. I love them because they are mine but they can hurt me and I have spent my whole existence avoiding people hurting me and shielding myself because both my parents did this over and over again. And children well they can rip your hearts out so I had to make myself accept that but it is hard. The hardest thing I have done. As they have neared adulthood it is so hard not to run from them because it gets tougher again. And I am still broken and not whole inside it is even harder. I start to feel less and hide more.
So I do understand what you are saying only too well. Evil, bad, awful horrible disgusting unworthy, No none of those things, I have thought all those things too, but in my limited experience it is because of trying to survive we learned to smash our emotions. We broke our caring. Or as that Gretchen Wilson song goes, "Our Give a Dam* is Broke". So true. We have to try to fix it and that my friend is a long journey and one I just embarked on.
So you are not alone in not caring not feeling. I am numb today. I had to quiet my voices in my head. I couldn't take them any longer. Take care and take heart. You are not a bad person. You are none of the those things in your regarding!
rk
rk
poster:rskontos
thread:799847
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800356.html