Posted by antigua3 on December 6, 2007, at 12:08:43
I'm sure I must have read this book before, and I'm sure it has been mentioned here, but yesterday in the library I picked up "Between Therapist and Client: The New Relationship" by Michael Kahn and I was blown away by it.
It's written really for people studying to be Ts and pdocs, and it really talks about patients from their perspective--how they should handle our anger, bitterness and countertransference issues that bring up their own issues. What I liked about it was that the author covers so many different types of theories that pdocs study, and how they are taught to respond.
My pdoc is definitely a traditionalist, or old school, I'm not sure how to put it, and he responds at times coldly and indifferently. Now I can see that it's part of his process. I don't necessarily agree with how he behaves all the time, but I understand a whole lot better.
My last session was the worst ever. I hit him with every evil thought I have about him and how he treats me. I know I'm projecting my anger on to him, and I've been very hurtful and cruel, but I guess that's what I need to do. I've never gotten this far with a male authority figure before--by this time old T and other authority figures would have sent me packing. So I'm kind of worried he's going to do that when I see him next, and I hope he doesn't (I would be devastated) and I think there is some great work to be done if we both hang in there.
It's so hard. I'm usually such a nice person, but when the evil part, or the anger, comes out, I can be ruthless. So can he--he actually criticzed me last time!
I'm going to stop being the over intellectualized patient, and give up my pc therapy behavior, and just be me. I hope I get the opportunity to do this and he doesn't send me away. The hardest part is that I don't see him regularly right now (can't afford it) so I have to wait several weeks between appointments some time.
This last time brought up some really ugly feelings. Since it will be a while until I see him, I put those feelings away in my cedar chest so I can get on with my life, and Christmas. Funny thing, though, when I opened the box to put these feelings away, it was a real struggle not to let other bad feelings out!
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:799124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/799124.html