Posted by Muffled on November 24, 2007, at 23:50:11
1. What I s'posed to do now?(i told T some bout Thatkids memory picture stuff)
2. Can I just let Thatkids problem(her memory stuff) go now? Does it just be OK now and so it goes away? Can it stay not real and thats OK?
3. Is it just emotions come, emotions go....and we just get used to them w/time and practice?
4. What of the 'self destruct' part. Does that go away? Am I supposed to somehow make it go away? I wish it would go away. Cuz it seems that to hurt me is to hurt others and I can't abide that. So I try to hurt w/o hurting others. Maybe won't work in long run :-(
6. This new 'thing' is like the dumpmeitis 'thing', in that it went on and on, so illogical, in my head. It comes and goes. I think once I accepted that T not easily run away, then now I want to understand why not run?
Now its, WHY? That keeps cropping up. It makes no sense really, but part of me keeps yelling WHY? WHY? WHY? is she nice to us????? I can give a logical and proper answer, but I still can't seem to accept it somehow. Mebbe its in the same catagory as 'bad', and 'gross', maybe I just need to keep hearing stuff over and over (ad nauseum, AND w/o overkill...) until I finally 'hear' it and mebbe understand or mebbe beleive it or something? Its very illogical. AND annoying to me. I think it wants to know why, cuz it don't understand, and therefore its frightened/confused/threatened/suspicious by the ongoing niceness.
7. I dunno how I got so damn defective? I had good family. Lots of freedom. Nice house, pets, food, clothing, EVERYthing. Maybe its more a matter of me being just mental? I honestly can blame noone but myself for my misfortunes . Which is sorta annoying in of itself, cuz I been SUCH an idiot, and wasted such potential. God gave me everything good, and I f*ck*d it up. I still such a f*ck*p. I want to stop, but its who I am I suppose, all I've ever known. Not so easy teaching this old horse new tricks.....
8. Still not feeling very religious. Would like to settle that out somehow. I KNOW there is a God, ALL of us beleive that I think. But someboddy just so freakin pissed and won't get over it. How do I make her get over it?
9. So is it reasonable of me, though very unkind, to just tell hubby that NO GO no more EVER. And then once I can know he won't pressure me AT ALL, then I can at least cuddle anyways w/o fear? He keeps saying 'I guess I'll just have to stray then...', and he half serious, but not really likely to do so, but definately more at risk to temptation. Then I worry bout the preacher thing, how they molest kids cuz they celibate. I don't think hubby EVER do that, but I worry, and then I am SO utterly disgusted at myself for thinking such a thing at all about my dear husband who is SO kind. I can't seem to dissociate anymore, so what to do? I see NO answers that are very satisfactory. I feel so f*ck*ng defective. (if you'll pardon the pun)
10. So I AM trying to get ahold of GP re: meds....THERAPY SUCKS
M
poster:Muffled
thread:796903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/796903.html