Posted by Wittgenstein on November 14, 2007, at 4:52:21
In reply to Attachment and Missing my T, posted by sunnydays on November 13, 2007, at 16:11:16
Sunnydays, Rskontos
I can also relate to your experiences - again my mother is an undiagnosed borderline - she has such anger and is so unpredictable with her moods that I grew up terrified of her and unable to trust. My father is distant, weak, quiet - I love him but it is a painful unrequited love. He always stood by and let my mother do the things she did without batting an eyelid. Instead of thinking he was wrong to let that happen, I just assumed I deserved to be treated that way - that that was what I was worth as a person.
As an adult (22) I find it almost impossible to trust - I doubt others' good intentions - always look for a snide comment to follow or what they are 'really' thinking - low self-esteem. To trust was always a mistake growing up. This came up in therapy yesterday. I said that it didn't bother me whether my therapist liked me or not, although I hoped that I mattered to him in some way/that he cared - I could never feel he would actually like me - just as long as he didn't hate me - the best I can want/expect is indifference. The question of whether he likes me doesn't really make any sense to me even.
Since learning more about how dysfunctional my parents were in their parenting - I didn't have a clue that things were 'wrong' before now - growing up I accepted it as normal - it does bring an intense grief and pain. I've lost the hope that they will ever change - that was a very hard realisation for me. I don't/can't feel anger yet - and I guess at the moment I just feel detachment/emptiness in regard to them.
I'm sorry you both have had similar experiences - it's very hard to deal with and damaging. But you are both doing well - I admire how brave you are in light of this.
Witti
poster:Wittgenstein
thread:794882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/795011.html