Posted by rskontos on November 13, 2007, at 18:31:57
In reply to Attachment and Missing my T, posted by sunnydays on November 13, 2007, at 16:11:16
Sunnydays, I too feel the pain you feel. My mom was either BPD or bi-polar with psychosis. She was very ill and mistreated us. She too had affairs now they were the product of being raped from an early age (7) and that continued until 15 and a close family member to boot. She was delusional and hostile one minute but never I remember as wanting us close maybe when we were older. I have dissociated alot of my time with her so I don't know. And my father who claims we weren't his, was distant. In fact he told me he didnt want me. So no, no sense of permanence either. I have with my marriage but I don't expect it I don't expect it from anyone really. I don't trust anyone. I don't expect too. I also must work on thinking about people when they are gone from my sight. I am being very honest here. It is hard it hurts to reveal how much I don't feel. About anything. I do love my children and husband. But I work on that. I have to work on holding on. I think it is because I had such ill parents. My T thinks my father is mentally ill too. I agree. When I tell her things he still says she is amazed. I am not I guess I expect it. Afterall if it is all you have ever known. Maybe that is why I didn't get a male T. I was afraid I might get too attached. I don't know. Maybe I wouldn't have. But the recommendation I rec'd was for the T I have and I went it. Turns out it is a woman. Sometimes I wonder if I tell all about me will she be alarmed and run but I say well why not everyone usually leaves. So I will wait and see.
I think he is right about that you need a relationship to trust and he is a safe one to trust. It is sad our parents weren't the ones they should have been but that isn't our faults. My T says I have to parents myself now. You post does make sense. I don't think he will leave you. I truly understand why you worry but I think you are right to trust him because that is the only way to heal the wound your parents began so long ago. It is for your sake you trust him and yourself and forgive the way your parents were for yoursake not theirs. The permanence a child needs you now need to create for yourself. It is hard but it can be done. At least so says my T. I believe this to be true. I beleive you are very close with the nice relationship you have create with your T. I think that we must admit that one day our relationships with our Ts will end but that day when it comes we will be strong enough to be ok with it and it will come when it time to come and not before. We miss some important attachments as children and now we must strive to make them. You are doing a great job. It is ok because you are searching for an answer and you will find it. I think you are doing great!!! rk
poster:rskontos
thread:794882
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/794912.html