Posted by Daisym on November 11, 2007, at 23:23:11
I've been thinking about this lately and it seems like there have been several threads from people in such different phases of therapy - the angst of the beginning, the warm feelings that come when you begin to trust and feel heard, worries about moving into the hard stuff and winding down and even ending.
I think each phase has its challenges and rewards, like any relationship. I'm not sure where I am - which phase this is. My therapist said the other day that we are working in a very deep way, deeper than we ever have before. He was sort of saying that even a few months ago I wouldn't have been willing or able to deal with stuff we are talking about now. I find myself pushing him a lot - I get angry or upset with him and I'm testing him all over the place. He remains calm and available but calls me out on these feelings too. We are very connected, even in the midst of the storm. Last Friday I had a very bad day and when he called I talked nonstop for 20 minutes about all the crud. Then I said (don't laugh) "I'm sorry to have dumped all that out on you." He said, "Is this where I remind you that I'm your THERAPIST?"
I was thinking if I described my therapy and the relationship I have with my therapist to anyone right now, they'd likely wonder why I'm putting myself through this. It is painful. I leave in tears. I need my therapist - a lot. And yet my relationship with him is complicated and painful too. Therapy certainly isn't warm and fuzzy these days.
And yet -- I know we are doing the work that needs to be done. And I know we've built this really strong alliance. Not only do I trust him, but I feel like he trusts me too. He said the other day, "You know me...I want to talk about this, etc." and I *did* know he would say that. It felt good.
I guess I'm just musing here - maybe we should try to name all the phases -- for the book, right?
poster:Daisym
thread:794498
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071105/msgs/794498.html