Posted by JoniS on October 3, 2007, at 17:58:39
In reply to May as well call it )'inlove with my therapist'( » muffled, posted by scentedgarden on October 3, 2007, at 7:14:32
SG
I could ramble and whine and give lotsa stuff about being in love with your T and hurting so badly. Matter of fact, there is gobs of it in the archives.
So I think I qualify to respond, but sorry I don't have the cure. My feelings for my T have been high intensity and lower intensity, but I have loved him since about the 4th session, 5 years ago. I have longed for a cure, but there isn't one. If journaling helps you, I recommend that. I don't do it regularly, but when I am lonely and missing him, it helps. It helps to know about others who have had similar experiences, if nothing else, just to see you are normal. The book that Muff mentioned did help me lots, to understand, and to go easier on myself, and to understand more about why things have to be the way they have to be. It's funny I thought i was "cured" a year or 2 ago and so I got rid of the book. Now I've gone to read it or parts but then I remember that I threw it away. Poo!
I have worked with this with my T a good abount of sessions over the years, so he knows all about it. There has not been anything off limits for me to say. That has been helpful. I guess, for me, I believe that part of what I feel for him is due to the transference - I idealize him, believe that because he is ___ and he is___ he must also be this and this and this (everything that is so wonderful in a person) and then I want to spend the rest of my life with him. BUT I also believe that part of this is real and based on what I do know about him. My T reminds me that the feelings that I have are to be expected because of the bond we share. but that doesn't make it any easier. I have gone from feeling guilty for how I feel to being more accepting of how I feel and just enjoying the awesome feeling of being in love.(my T helped me to do that) It has made me spend lots of time trying to figure out if I should divorce and hope to find that feeling with someone who wants to return the love. Right now I'm trying to enjoy him and my H, if I can.
If I had to stop therapy as you did, I would be beside myself. I would definitely have to go see a T to get over my T!
Maybe you can spend some time in the fantasy, and not take it to the point where she is now gone from your life. That might help you to gradually accept and be ok with the loss. But, it is a loss, you are grieving, and it hurts like H*LL.
Sorry this is so long, and I doubt if it helped, but I wish you peace and healing as you are going through this.
Take care,
Joni
poster:JoniS
thread:786546
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786716.html