Posted by RealMe on September 28, 2007, at 20:56:31
In reply to Touched on it a little bit, posted by Poet on September 28, 2007, at 10:22:34
What about emailing it, Poet? Of course when I have done that, I often regret it, but it is too late. This is how I have said some things to him, and then he has been really good about what he does with it.
Like today after I said I don't know what to say as I don't want to get upset and have things spill over into my job. My therapist said, "should we talk about the email you sent me?" I said, "I don't remember what I said," which was true. I had tried to block it out of my mind. So, he said, "it had something to do with being alone and feeling lonely when you were younger." So, I started talking about that and why it was I felt that way as a child. I am a little reluctant to go into details now, and I don't feel comfortable saying why. It is not you or most people posting. Anyway, we talked about a lot of things including some of the csa that occured after the earlier stuff and later when I was in my teens. And, we talked about how lonely I was in high school and my crazy brother who I thought for sure would kill me and/or my mother, especially after he bought a gun.
So my therapist was saying he understood now why I felt so alone with him being more silent, and toward the end of the session, he did what I like when he sort of summed things up and how he saw things and helped to make the connections from the past to the present. Part of what he said had to do with what he saw as me being subordinate to a number of men who used me. He also said something else that sort of was rather provacative again I guess to make the point, and like he has done in the past and that I know is deliberate. I have been thinking about what he said, and it disturbs me just how he said it. I know in my head what he means, but in my heart it hurts because of the implication. I feel like I am going to cry, and maybe I need to email him and let him know. I am sure I am taking it in a way he never meant, but I just need to know.
I felt a lot more connected with my therapist today because he commented on things and said he understands now why I felt hurt by this or that comment he has made. I think the only way he can help is if I do spit it out, and I know I am semi-glossing over things with him right now in therapy, but it is all I can do right now.
So, the more therapists know, the more they can understand and help. At the same time, it is also very scary to realize they know more and more. I don't think my therapist will throw anything up in my face. In fact I know he won't, but my mother used to do that when I trusted her, and other people in my life have done it as well. So, what do you think about the email idea??
RealMe (OzLand)
poster:RealMe
thread:784475
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/785809.html