Posted by muffled on September 20, 2007, at 22:54:54
In reply to Re: fitting in » muffled, posted by Dory on September 18, 2007, at 17:45:19
> i know i don't fit it...but it's not just here. i don't really fit in anywhere. i haven't been here as long as a few of you have, but i have been here almost 8months and i don't see a lot of forgiveness. i stay off all the other boards because i find the tension intolerable sometimes.
* Forgive me Dory! but I just GOTO take another try at this fitting in business, cuz it hurts my heart to think people feel they don't fit in. I never fit in either, still don't to a larger extent, but here, thats another fascinating aspect of this internet place, is that if this was IRL, I would not fit in, I would not be able to maintain myself. But here, I can just turn off the computer and stay away awhile if I need to. I can cool down from whats upset me here and come back refreshed. People may not SAY sorry everytime, cuz alot of times we don't even know we have hurt another poster, and its kinda a hornets nest for lots of us, if we say 'I was hurt by....' Not only do we risk breaking 'civility', but we only cause a reaction, sometimes defensive, in the other poster. Not right or wrong, just the way it is.
So, for me, the forgiviness I see is more implicit. Posters I figger have had an unfortunate interaction DO 'get over it', and post to each other again. No sorry may have been said, but just by posting to each other, this says to me hey, its OK. I have had this happen with me. Someone puts out the olive branch, its accepted, we move on.> i see people "get over it" maybe? pretend it never happened? or maybe there is more of that stuff beind the scenes?
*It may be there's more behind the scenes stuff. I don't know. I actually don't babblemail much. I find it safer to just stay on the boards.
> i don't recall anyone apologizing to me for hurtful things said. That is ok, i don't expect it, like i said to you in chat once, i don't see everyone here as being friends or family. Sure i made some online friends here, but i post here for input/feedback and sharing... i give support and i get support most of the time. i try not to think of it as anything else or it would be very stressful. i don't want any of my energy poured into an "issue" with a stranger.
**Ya exactly, thats what makes it safer and easier for all.
Thats why it 'could' be IMHO potentially *also* easier to let go of anger...and a good way to learn.
As well, we CAN avoid, reasonably easily, interaction with a poster whose writing style seems to affect us negatively, for our own reasons. Not saying the poster is bad, but just sometimes certain people do not mix well. Which doesn't mean they may not get along well someday in the future, who knows! But if there is issues, they can be avoided by not reading/responding to posts...or keeping the response to a 'thanks', and not getting into an argument about it. Just 'let it go'. Accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. I myself am getting better at accepting things.....but as to the wisdom part....arrrggghhhh, I not so good at that yet!> i like to call horseshit by it's real name but for the sake of civility i don't... which means i don't say anything sometimes. Sometimes i can't be supportive for my own reasons, or have nothing to add.
**And thats good that you are supportive, thats what this place is about. I'm not sure what calling horseshit by its real name means? I would interpret that as saying I like to call liars liars to their face? If thats what your inferring, that would DEFINATELY not go over well, and more than likely be construed as an insult and an attack. I seem to do OK w/you Dory, and I know you have concerns bout not fitting in etc, and thats the only reason I draw attn to this statement. If you DO say stuff like that to people, they WILL get angry, as they feel attacked, and they will reject you in their anger. Maybe this is something to consider. I recently came to the realization(T told me!) that the reason I don't get invited places, is I apparently give off a great many "KEEP AWAY" signals. Sigh, I hadn't realized that.....
> i think you're a great community member Muffled. But not everyone is or can be all the time... it's always going to be a mixed bag. People who are arogant, people who are submissive, people who are angry, people who are sad... sshit, it's a wonder we can get along at all IMO.
*I think we are ALL great members, we would not be a comminity w/o members, INCLUDING YOU! And I LOVE the diversity. OH MY! we are SO not all 'good' members all the time. I doubt there's a babbler here that can say they have never screwed up! And sometimes we ask for help ALOT, and sometime we are able to try and help others some. It comes and goes, and thats OK. I love learning how to interact in a good way with others, even the more 'prickly' ones! (anybody who reads this and says HEY!?!? just know I can be pretty darn prickly, so it takes one to know one! LOL!)
>it's a wonder we can get along at all IMO.
YES!!!!! Thats IT!!! ISN'T it a wonder INDEED!!!!!
Sometimes I just smile and marvel at how well we do.
Babblers( that includes you Dory in my book) are AMAZING!
And yup, it gets ugly here sometimes.....
But we get thru it, and grow, and learn, and ever improve.
:-)
Dory, I hope you stick around.
You bring good things to babble too. And I thank you for the many times you have supported me :-)
Muffled
> (oh, and btw - F-A-R-T!)**:-) love it!!!!! :-)
poster:muffled
thread:783464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/784257.html