Posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 10:58:12
In reply to Re: i left a message » Dory, posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 10:15:35
he did call and i could tell in his voice that he truly knew that i was hurting and that he knew it was important to call....i could tell he felt concern for me. It touches me in a way i can't describe. it makes me want to cry.
i told him that i had needed to know that rule about him returning my call when i specifically asked had not changed. He said he understood that and he recognised why and so he knew he needed to call to tell me that. i agreed that i did not want to talk about all the stuff from how this started and that i really meant it when i said i wanted to take steps on my own to handle it. That we had a lot to talk about in session, that it was too big to handle on the phone in a short call. He apologized for not calling sooner...after receiving my first message, it hadn't been that he had decided not to, it had been a lack of time as he is at the pain center today. That helped too.
he said he agreed that this showed him a lot about what happens to me... that it brought out in full colour just how painful and strong my fear is. He said it didn't matter if it made him happy or not but that it truly was a good thing that i recognised so much about my situation and that i made a list and wanted to stick with that plan.
i told him i knew that he had been clear that he was very open to being told that he screwed up. He had told me that when i told him about issues with my previous T. He said that sometimes he knew things were his fault.. so i *knew* that but couldn't help being afraid of saying it anyway. He said he understood that completely, and that he would never tell me not to feel that way... or that it was bad or wrong. He said he knew i had points, but we would talk about that in session.
i did feel a little bad because he said he had so little time and if he didn;t eat he was going to fall over. (((((T)))))
i also told him that all of this sucked and felt horrible and that telling him was my angry little present for him for the long weekend. i was going to be suffering and he would get to know that all weekend too. i know he probably doesn't think about me or other clients out of session, but i know he'll feel a little bad for me...and that feels like a little revenge. (ha!)
any help/support/ideas on ways to make it through the weekend would be appreciated. i have to work so that will be a partial distraction. i just don't want to hurt myself.. a few drinks are ok but i don't want to be falling down drunk somewhere.
please help me get through this...
poster:Dory
thread:779336
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/779946.html