Posted by RealMe on August 17, 2007, at 19:35:46
In reply to Re: Processing Stuff - Trigger, posted by DAisym on August 17, 2007, at 0:35:27
I am sorry I could not get back to you sooner, but our newish policy at work does not allow me to babble during the day.
So, have I been there before too; yes and no. I say no because years ago I did deal with a lot of things but not with the csa. I thought I was okay with it; well, guess what? It is now rearing it's ugly head, and now I can't just neatly pack it away and forget about it as I once did. It is so extremely painful to deal with this stuff, but I also know from experience that doing so makes one stronger. Please trust in your therapist.
Your friend may mean well, but she has not walked in your shoes. I had a friend who had some similar experiences and a different type of therapy. When I got ECT, she was upset with me as her mother had had a number of ECT treatments over the years, and she talks about her that her mother likes to live and wallow in her depression. So her solution for me was not to dive into stuff and feel even worse. She thought it would make me more of a victim. Her opinion. Well when I really needed her, just for emotional support, she walked away saying she could not give me emotional support. You see; she never really did deal with her csa; she just rationalizes it as she does everything else.
I am really hurt as it seems we can't be friends now, from her perspective. Have to keep things on a nonfeeling level. I can't do that. So, yes my therapy is like yours in the sense that I am going back into the past to re-experience things, all sorts of things and not just the csa. I used to be really split off from myself at different ages and with different experiences, and felt disconnected and would dissociate all the time. I dealt with that and feel more connected now, as I know me in different ways now. Probably doesn't make sense, but anyway I now am trying to look at that stuff from the past, the actual experiences of abuse, physical and sexual, and I guess the neglect as well. It is so painful to do.
I meant to get back into stuff today and just could not bring myself to do it. While I know there is always some resistance to getting back into that stuff as it is so painful and who wants to relive those experiences, it is important to do so. I just figured out why I had so much trouble today and wanted to keep things more superficial if that is possible with an analyst---not! Tomrrow morning I am driving with my husband to my home town, the place where everything happened. It is the birthday of one of my aunts, and so I said to my cousins I would come. I have not been back there since since my mother died in 1996. No immediate family there anymore; they are all deceased. |They are not there physically, but the ghosts are all there.
Take care Daisy. You ARE doing good work.
RealMe (OzLand)
poster:RealMe
thread:776688
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/776833.html