Posted by Racer on August 16, 2007, at 20:05:20
In reply to Processing Stuff - Trigger, posted by DAisym on August 16, 2007, at 19:30:42
I can't tell you what helps, but I can tell you I'm there, too. It's different for me, since it's about events which happened as an adult, but in a way that's harder for me: with what happened when I was a child, I'm getting to where I can say, "An adult should have stepped in. That shouldn't have been allowed to happen. It wasn't my fault, I deserved better." Since this stuff happened when I was an adult, though -- well, it's a lot easier to blame myself, to think that they were right, I was wrong, I was so fundamentally flawed that nothing anyone did would have helped me.
And then, of course, being me, I can also blame myself for not being over it yet. I should, after all, be over it. I'm not. Every time I'm reminded of how much I'm not over it, I feel so damaged, I just wish I could lie down and never have to wake up. It just feels like way the hell too much for me.
Of course, now I've made this about me, so I can feel lousy about that, too. I suspect it's got a lot to do with my T screwing up on my appointment this week, and now being on vacation. And knowing that I really do need to leave her a message telling her that it really wasn't OK for her to screw up that way.
{sigh} Ma belle amie, you deserve better. An adult should have protected you from this. And now an adult is working on protecting you, by holding your hand while you fight those demons. I'm impressed that you can manage the suggestions at all, even if you can't manage to keep them up all the way. You know what? Baby steps. Where have I heard that before? You've made one seven league step -- and now you'll have to take a few baby steps.
xoxo
poster:Racer
thread:776688
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/776696.html