Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on August 8, 2007, at 6:46:57
In reply to Re: Therapist is going to be even more concerned now, posted by OzLand on August 7, 2007, at 23:27:35
Oz- a couple of good things here
first, you recognize that the power dynamic in your circle of friends revolves around a single very strong personality. This is a good realization because it helps to keep your self-esteem intact.The fact that you have good friends, and seem to make them easily is very heartening.
I'm so sorry to hear about your central-american friend. It sounds like she's got too much going on and is trying to protect herself from getting too wrapped up in another's problems. Maybe you can remain casual friends until her health worries blow over. I wouldn't dismiss her just yet.
A lot of times we have expectations that if we treat people just so, then they will treat us the same way in return. This is usually disappointing. Better to accept the fact that each person and friendship is unique and changes over time. An intense friendship may fizzle for reasons beyond your control. A circle of friends may be disrupted by a rogue. The most important thing is to learn from these and use the things you learn to strengthen the positive relationships you already have.
It sounds like your husband is becoming more in-tune with what's going on. Baby steps here. You probably scared him a lot and he reacted by trying to get some emotional distance from you. He was scared of you dying. That's because he cares. It may take some time before you can fully immerse yourself in your marriage, but don't give up hope.
True, some people are so completely wrapped up in their own lives to give a fig about another. These are the toxic ones. These are the ones that adult survivors of abuse will need to recognize and avoid. Fortunately lessons learned over time will build up. It sounds like you've done a lot of work in making social contacts over the past year.
I'm sorry that you're feeling exposed, that you revealed your mental illness to folks who weren't prepared to be there for you. I did that too. People withdraw. It's easier than confronting the truth that the world is not a perfect place. But sometimes those same friends find themselves in a place of enlightenment and wish to rekindle a supportive relationship. Don't close off your heart to that possibility.
My best friend the last year in grad school heard all about my struggles with abuse issues, medication and therapy. For a while she was genuinely interested and concerned, but then as she started revealing more about herself she started withdrawing. I think she felt too exposed. Boy it hurt though. I still send her an email now and then to check up on her and find out what she's doing, but even by the time I was finishing up she was more happy doing light socializing with a new group, and rarely gave me the time of day. Too painful to confront the victim.
You ever read Judith Hermer's work "trauma and recovery" I bet you have, at least at some point. it's a classic. It helped me understand a lot of what was going on in my life. Maybe I can share it with you.
take care, and you know that there is a group of core babblers who have been following your story and supporting you along the way (where possible)
your friend,
-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:774219
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070807/msgs/774742.html