Posted by scratchpad on June 28, 2007, at 8:30:54
In reply to Re: Therapy these days, posted by fiji on June 28, 2007, at 8:03:46
> I am so sorry you are feeling this bad. I hate to sound like a nagging mother, but can you tell your T this? Or give her this email? You are covering up so well that she can't see it. Maybe you don't want her to see it?
>I feel like I want to present the best possible face to her, definitely. And although she acknowledges that I've going through a really hard time, she tells me to keep doing what I'm doing, just drudge through the days, and trust that these skills will carry me on.
> Yes, you are much better than you were last year at this time, but things are so different now too. Your needs are very different, and you know that you have things that need to be dealt with now that you have other things under control (well, we never really have it "under control," right? but you're dealing better). But other things crawl out once our old defenses are gone.
>
> Are you saying that you're as good as it gets right now? Can you live with that? Or do you want to tackle the underlying things, which seem to be popping up as soon as your comfort from therapy wears off?
>I think what I want is the comforting words of my therapist to wear like a blanket whenever I need them. That if I hear her say them to me, I'll believe her, but my self-talk is not there at all. I think I have great big gaps in my skill set and I'm very impatient to fill them in; and my T thinks that this pace is not only to be expected, but I'm ripping along. Doing better than great. And jeez, if I feel like doggy doo-doo now, what would feeling BAD be like? Yikes.
> Do I sound harsh? I don't meant to. I just care about you very much. Take the risk to open up, you are stronger now, I know you are and so do you. But it's not easy--once the outer layer is removed, there's a whole lot more going on...otherwise, we have given up the defenses but we are still the same person underneath. You have found new ways to cope, but they don't seem to be filling your needs.
>Yes, I hear you. You don't sound the least bit harsh to me ((((fiji))) Did you know that was the first perfume that a boyfriend ever gave me? A very 70's scent.
I'm preoccupied by my stepdaughter's trip down the road of substance abuse. I'm worried about an enormous house expense that is sucking up all our savings this summer. My husband hates his job and wants to move somewhere where we just pick bananas off a tree and live in a hut (now where do you think his daughter learned her avoidance techniques?). I guess in light of these issues, I am doing rather well. I just have lost all perspective, and I feel very needy and that I have to be propped up all the time.
> I'm glad you can keep your volunteer work going. That says a lot. But you have to take care of yourself first.
> love,
> antigua
>You're a sweetie. Thanks. I will think about seeing my T and leaving my Pollyanna smile at the door so she can she how I'm really feeling.
Scratchie
poster:scratchpad
thread:766378
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070628/msgs/766387.html