Posted by wishingstar on June 11, 2007, at 21:26:32
In reply to my T - therapist or mentor? (long), posted by wishingstar on June 10, 2007, at 10:48:24
Wanted to do a seperate response to pediddle's question about how my own issues/therapy interact with my work. I wasnt offended at all by the question! I'm not sure I have a very good answer (mostly because I'm not really sure yet) but I'll try. It's going to be some rambling as I find the answer as I type I guess...... :)
I'm doing a better job at seperating my own issues from the issues of my clients than I expected I would. Overall, I'm usually able to keep them completely seperate. Occasionally something a teen says will remind me of something I struggle with or that I've been through, but I usually can dismiss the thought without too much effort. I had a 14yo female client recently who was cutting and always showing me her cuts and the first few times it was VERY triggering.. I had to consciously not flinch or look away.. not because it grossed me out but because I was comparing my own SI to hers and being triggered to act myself. I got used to it fairly quickly though. In my own life, shutting things down instead of dealing with them is something I struggle with but I guess it's serving me well here.
Once I'm at work, I usually do pretty well. Getting to work can be a different story though. I've rescheduled many appts because I just wasnt able to get there. The line where I cannot function as a therapist is closer than the line where I cant function in life. Some days I can still function at home.. do an errand or 2, etc.. but am just not able to do therapy. It takes a LOT of emotional energy for me. While I usually "pull it together" no matter how I'm feeling all the time, I have to "pull it together" even more at work and that can be hard.
I sometimes struggle to relate to my teen girl clients because I missed most of my teen years due to severe depression, a traumatic event at 16, and a lot of isolation. I didnt go through what most teen girls go through with gossip and fashion and MTV and all that stuff. Again, it's something I'm learning though.
I find myself being hypersensitive to hurting my clients... I learned that very quickly with this recent CPS-report situation. I let it stick with me a little too long. But I'm improving and still learning to seperate. Self-confidence can be a problem for me as well, but I work with wonderful coworkers and they help remind me what I'm doing okay pretty often. They dont know about my personal issues really though.
I think in some ways having my own depression/therapy/etc experiences can be useful too. I know VERY well what it feels like to be the client, and how important it is to pick words carefully. I understand the power I have (I hope) and try to be careful with it. With one particular client, her situation was very different from mine but her underlying feelings were quite similar to mine as a teen, and I was really able to connect with her and speak to her almost as if I was speaking to a younger part of myself. I think that was beneficial for her. Unfortunately, that same case is the one I just lost. You can probably see why I felt so sad at hurting her like I did.
I think my biggest problem is probably teaching alternate coping mechanisms to the older kids who are internalizing (as opposed to those who are acting out). The reason being that I dont have a lot of good coping mechanisms myself either... so theyre hard to teach to anyone else. But I try my best. I've found that listening and validating can be just as important as anything I can teach them, at least at that age.
One of the neatest rewards from doing this work has been the new perspective I've gained (and continue to gain) on my own therapy and treatment over the years. As I mentioned in another post somewhere, I'm learning first hand that just because a therapist appears to not care or not feel a certain way, it doesnt mean it's true.. no matter how obvious it seems. I'm learning how emotionally hard it can be and what it feels like to truly want to help and just not have the answer. (I've seen that look of frustration and helplessness in several Ts faces before.) I guess it's just helping me to realize that they have more feelings that I usually assume and that theyre real people too.
I'm not sure if that makes any sense or answers your questions at all. I really dont mind talking about it and I'm not offended in the least - in fact, it's sort of neat for me to sort it out for myself too when others ask. So feel free to ask more questions if you ever want to.
poster:wishingstar
thread:762156
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/762493.html