Posted by Dory on June 6, 2007, at 10:42:52
i am sorry for my behaviour and attitude on chat last night. i was distraught beyond belief. The clonazepam was fogging my brain, wine didn't help. The last kicker was the pain med. Apparently i cannot drink with it (the pharmacist lied a little). It isn't dangerous but i became incoherent by the time i talked to H. i was nodding off and not making any sense.
Llurpsie i owe you a HUGE sorry. You were being so nice and so concerned and i was just so blatantly self-absorbed. i would never want to cause you hurt or worry.
i am safe, but by the end of the month i'll be without enough to pay for anything besides my rent. i am so depressed. i have lost hope and although i have been searching for options i don't see any viable way of making a *good* life for myself... one that is remotely fulfilling. All i see ahead of me is mountains i can't climb. My medical issues are progressive and will limit me further as i age and i am only 36. i can't work at what i am trained to do. i can't even finish school... art is my passion but it doesn't make enough money to live on it. i had always expected to make a small income but paired with H it would be ok. No one wants to hire me for good jobs because i am not qualified. i cannot afford to do any more training or school programs.
i cannot even afford to see my T. i have to call and leave him a message telling him that today and that is going to be so very hard.
i'm sorry to be whining. i know everyone must be sick of it by now because i am sick of it myself. i just don't know what to do to untangle myself. i don't want rich.. i don't want luxury.. i want a little better than barely making it... i want moderately comfortable. i want to not have to worry about whether i can feed my dogs, pay my rent, buy my meds or even pay my T. i don't care if own a house or a car or a big screen tv.
ok. i need to stop now because it's just going to make me cry and all that will do is give me a headache.
again, i am sorry for worrying everyone in chat last night.
much love and peace
poster:Dory
thread:761479
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/761479.html