Posted by muffled on May 31, 2007, at 23:21:14
In reply to Please help me explain this to my T, posted by jammerlich on May 31, 2007, at 13:23:39
> I tried today, and had to leave still feeling like she didn't get it. I am so frustrated. Maybe you guys can look at it and tell me if it makes no sense, or try to word it a different way, or explain it with your own experiences. Anything at all, honestly!!! I need help!!!
**Wow Jammer I SO admire your tenacity. I have some sessions that suck, some that click...
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> We were talking about what happened before when I walked out and then she wouldn't let me come back and I was trying to explain what some of my fears are. I told her I remembered her telling me that if anything ever got to be a problem (like I was doing something wrong, or something was getting in the way of our work together), she would talk to me about it before it got to be a really big deal. And I said that after the experience of seeing her the first time, I just didn't trust that would really happen.**So you walked out of an appt over ? and then what happened...? She phone or you phone? What did she say on phone? Or did she tell you in a session not to come back?
See I told my T over and over that I thot she would dump me, it was HUGE for me. And I don't think I am alone in this. And I TESTED my T, to see if she would run away from me. She didn't. She told me over and over and over that she would not dump me w/o a darn good reason and I think she gave some examples. So it should be clear to me why she dumped me if she did. I think its TERRIBLY HUGELY important that a client be able to feel safe with her T. I didn't feel safe when I was always afraid she would run away from me. I am FINALLY (mostly....) convinced she would not run away.
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> As an example, I mentioned how she originally talked about me seeing a general practitioner for antidepressants. But, the last time we talked, she said I had to see a pdoc for a full evaluation and take whatever he/she suggested. And there was never a time in between where I felt like she explained this could be a reason we couldn't work together anymore. I mentioned that another reason she'd given was that I was "too ambivalent about therapy" and how we'd never, ever discussed that before.** this is a little unclear to me.
This was an out of the blue ultimatum? Is it possible you misunderstood her?
I guess a timeline of these events would be useful for us in helping you explain it better, or is it muddled in your mind?
Too ambivalent about therapy?????? Now THATS weird. I often hate T. Sometimes its OK. I am ambivalent. Soooooo????
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> She didn't really touch the ambivalence stuff at all. She just explained what she "might have been thinking" when she said general practitioner vs. when she said pdoc. And my thought was, "Ummm, OK....but we didn't TALK about it like you PROMISED." I just didn't feel like she'd heard me. Does it sound to you guys like she did?**Is part of what you want to say is "you hurt me dammit, you hurt me BAD"? You shut me out, cut me off, I tried to trust you but I was scared, it was very very hard for me to go to T. And you hurt me. WHY did you hurt me? How can I know you won't hurt me again?
What my T says to the last question is, is that she proly WILL hurt me. NOT on purpose, but people hurt each other w/o meaning to. But thats where we talk about it and work it out. And in working it out, we respect each other and build trust in each other.
I think it takes time for T's to know us. Many of us are SO good a hiding away what we REALLY feel....
My T is finally starting to 'get' me. Its been VERY frustrating getting here, but dam it feels good when she does get it sometimes...
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> So, then I used an example from Tuesday about my discomfort in seeing her more than once each week because I'm afraid that, at some point, it won't be OK with her anymore. She said Tuesday that she hoped we'd be talking about it. Today, in trying to explain all of this, I told her I'm not confident that we would. I'm afraid it'll be like hitting a wall again. And then she explained how what she'd meant is that, right now, it's a given to her that we'll meet a couple of times a week and that what she was talking about was if I called and asked for a third (which I've only done once, btw, and that was because we'd had a particularly helpful session and I'd wanted to continue the discussion). Ok, soooo NOT what I was looking for.**I just had a talk w/my T last session, and she gave me sh*t for twisting what she says. She said to me loud and clear 'YES YOU MAY PHONE 1x/wk just to connect. There needs to be no reason for the call. We can just chat.' God that was SOOOOO freaking hard for me to hear, I dunno why? But then I want to twist it round and say to myself, she didn't really mean it, or , if she did, and I DO call, she'll get mad, or, what if I call and annoy her at the wrong time, or...etc etc. So it was VERY clear this time....and I am trying hard not to twist it in my mind....
So it sounds pretty clear that she wants to do 2x/wk for now. It could be good. Really, I think you are doing all the right things in reading this. Keep at it. Ask for clarification, OVER AND OVER AND OVER, as much as you need to. I do that alot, cuz somettimes I find stuff just too hard to swallow.
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> Anyway, I feel like she just didn't hear. Do you guys think she did? How else can I explain this?Not so sure, need more detail. Sounds like she IS trying, and thats great. I'd just keep beating this topic until you feel its done. Warn her that you will. S'ok. I find writing helpful too.
I am tired so mebbe I not make sense.
Mebbe I try again when I more awake!
Really I just think you doing SO great Jammer :-)
You reaching out, stretching out. S'all good.
Muffly
poster:muffled
thread:760595
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/760702.html