Posted by muffled on May 29, 2007, at 13:38:18
In reply to Wanting to issolate my miserable self * trigger*, posted by Happyflower on May 29, 2007, at 11:36:27
> Is this depression, when you just want to be left alone in your miserable sadness? I want to be left alone to cry. Feeling like crying all the time, even when the simplest things like hearing a song playing on the radio.
I'd say yes
>
> Not wanting to be lonely, wanting someone to care or love me, but yet don't want anyone to be around myself right now. Don't want to infect anyone with my nastiness.I'd say yes.
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> Wanting to be a mom, an involved mom, but yet it is so hard to do that when you want to be alone. I am failing my kids, they will probably forgive me, I haven't always been this way, but I am sure it is effecting them too. I hope not premantely.I'd say yes. I might add that, if possible, can you tell your kids that your not feeling good in terms they might understand?? Otherwise they may take it upon themselves. I went thru this with my kids. I am SURE they know that somethings up with Mom, and I think its comforting for them to know that you know, and are dealing with it as best you can, and that you will get better, just takes time. And mebbe if they want to ask questions they can. Try and find a time of day when you are at your more focussed to do this. I do beleive it helped my kids TONS that I did this. TONS. It also made me feel a little better too. I didn't have to work so hard to put on a show for the kids, which they saw thru anyways.
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> I try so hard to fight this, I know the signs, I studied it for heavens sake, I know how to help myself, but it is so damn hard to even try. I should *know* better.And the sneaky crap depression pulls on you, even though you "know". Depression is nasty, but treatable.
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> Ever feel dispair from life? Ever ask why you are here on this earth? Why does life do this? Why is it so damn hard to have happiness? I know others feel this way, but yet I feel alone in my stuggles.I am doing not too bad right now. I am so sorry you are where you are at right now, but try and hold on to the fact that this will pass.
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> I saw a magnet today at Barnes and Noble it said, "Normal people are just people you haven't gotten to know yet.":-) EXACTLY
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> How do I get myself out of this, I feel like I am walking in wet sand up to my knees, and my feet are getting heavier and heavier to move. What if I stop moving, will I drown in the quick sand? Is it a bottomless pit? Is it hell? Is depression one level away from hell?Well, my T is CBT so she tended to try and work on negative sh*t in my head I would say to myself. However, I DID need to take AD for a time. They were very useful. I took zoloft quite successfully (after trying a few others...)
>
> Why does it feel like I have died inside? If you are dead inside, can it even come back to life or is a terminal illness that robs you of everything? I just don't know.You feel dead cuz you are depressed. Noone knows bout depression unless they been there. It is mind boggling. Even now I am out, I still can't really remember the intensity, or mebbe I don't want to.
But please remember HF, that you DO COME OUT OF THE PIT, and you know what, the pit DOES give you a gift, a wonderful priceless gift, and that gift is, such a huge appreciation for the little things of life, cuz after being in the pit, everything is different and more precious, and that truly is a gift. Life is not the same after depression, its better, richer.
Maybe you should consider AD's for a time......it may take a few tries...but they were hugely helpful to me, to get me over the hump, cuz its hard to do ANYthing, let alone T, when you badly depressed.
Keep posting, you are NOT alone.
I understand, I think many babblers do.
Can you picture a muffled, inside you head with HF? HF not alone, muffled knows, and she just sits beside HF, and we can talk, or not, we can laugh, or not, but you not alone.
Take special care of my ((((HF))) OK?
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:760169
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/760201.html