Posted by Dinah on May 28, 2007, at 10:18:57
In reply to Re: 4 years today, posted by spalding on May 27, 2007, at 13:07:04
When I first asked my therapist what his gift receiving policy was (long before I ever gave him a gift), he talked to me about most if not all of the potential problems you brought up, then with careful thought elaborated his own policy both in general and in specifics.
As it happens, he does accept small gifts given occasionally. I've since given him a small statue whose symbolism I made sure he understood and an accompanying homemade card on an anniversary, and a bunch of daisies on our last anniversary.
I appreciate that my therapist has given significant thought to gifts, and has a policy in place regarding them. I'm also glad that he personalizes the policy to the needs of the therapeutic relationship.
As it happens, my therapist also allows hugging, under his hugging policy, and he's given similar thought to that policy and it's also individually tailored to the therapeutic relationship. His conclusion is that yes, hugs can give overtones to a relationship that are not therapeutically beneficial, but that the withholding of hugs can also be somewhat seductive. In that making something forbidden also makes it more attractive. He assesses each relationship to determine what's best in that relationship.
I must confess that he doesn't think that carefully about all boundary issues and that after all our time together he gets a bit sloppy from time to time on things like personal disclosure.
But I do appreciate that in areas he considers volatile, he gives a great deal of thought to the issues and is flexible enough to think of the relationship and client needs first.
I didn't really disagree with the article, since it placed in prominence the perfectly normal natural and healthy reasons a client might wish to give gifts. My therapist merely came to a different conclusion after considering the same things.
The only thing I'd be annoyed with in a therapist is assuming that a crosswords puzzle meant "cross words". I'd far prefer a therapist discuss such things with me and take into account such explanations as "I always like to bring crossword puzzles on a plane trip and I was trying to be thoughtful. I regularly give crossword puzzle books as bon voyage presents, and in my group of friends, giving small bon voyage presents is customary. Yes, I might be angry with you for leaving (or no, I'm not particularly angry with you) but sometimes a crossword puzzle is just a crossword puzzle."
Reasonable people can and do disagree about these things, which is probably why many states and both national organizations take no universal position.
I'm glad you've found a therapist with whom you are comfortable.
poster:Dinah
thread:759374
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/759949.html