Posted by wishingstar on May 24, 2007, at 11:53:54
In reply to Re: update... doing well » wishingstar, posted by frida on May 24, 2007, at 10:44:44
I believe I've told her all that, yes. I told her a few weeks ago I feel like shes saying "you can stay, but please leave!" and she denied that shes trying to get me to leave, but it has continued to feel that way. I've told her more than once that I'm frustrated and that I'm trying to rebuild but that her continually mentioning leaving makes the gap bigger. She said she feels like she has to keep mentioning it because shes afraid I'll get stuck and keep coming even if its not helpful or harmful (in the past, I saw a therapist WAY beyond where it was helpful and it became pretty destructive for me because I couldnt leave, so thats harping on that). I've asked her to trust me and my decisions but she doesnt. I guess I can understand why, but I wish she'd see that what she's doing is counterproductive. This week she said something like "do you think you want to keep seeing me?" and I said, "well, I'm still coming, arent I?" She kind of blew it off.. it felt like her saying "yes, but that doesnt mean anything". Why cant she see how hard I'm trying? I'm tempted to email her what I wrote in the original post about her on this thread... but I'm not sure if it's worth it. I dont want to beat my head against a wall if its not going to work. I do have a habit of thinking I just MUST make things work, and if I only try hard enough... and maybe I've hit the line where I need to stop trying. Not sure.
I didnt tell her this week that I had wanted to talk and then shut down. I was reacting too much to the fact that it had happened internally and just didnt want to open up to her.
She did tell me my behavior with a friend was "un-borderline-y" though! Do I get a prize? Ehh,, we dont know how to help her, she must be borderline...... blech.
poster:wishingstar
thread:758722
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/759266.html