Posted by wishingstar on May 21, 2007, at 23:45:50
I'm a bit "all over the place" this past week or so, but amazingly enough, I've actually been doing quite well overall. At least as compared to the last few months.
I've decided to throw the guy I was dating to the curb. Done. He only made it to the final act (1 of 3) of the ballet I was in this weekend, and when we spoke the next day, he referred to the Nutcracker and thought that was what he was watching. We didnt do the Nutcracker.. we did The Little Prince! Glad he was paying attention, huh? It was just one more careless thing from him, and I've had enough. I'm happy with this decision and I actually feel pretty empowered about it.
I've been doing to the intensive outpatient (MWF, 3hrs/day) program since last Monday. It's DBT-style, but they only teach the mindfulness and reality acceptance pieces. That part hasnt been terribly helpful, but the small side conversations I've had with the leader have really renewed my confidence in myself and my ability to know what I need. So many professionals have basically said "you think you know, but you dont". It has been terribly invalidating and really contributed to my depression. He has basically told me that theyre all wrong, and that I'm the expert on myself. It helps a lot.
I made a comment about Anne, ex-T from heck the other day, and talked to the leader a bit about it after group. Other professionals since then have basically said that it's my own issues making what she did seem like such a big deal. He disagrees and said I should consider reporting it. Regardless of whether I report it or not, it feels SO good to have someone say "yes, what she did was wrong, and it doesnt matter what issues you have. she was wrong." I am considering it. He said she'd likely just get a letter of reprimand for it and that's exactly what I'd want. I dont want her to lose her license of anything serious, but some forced recognition that she screwed up would be nice and helpful for me.
Otherwise, that's about it. I'm not sure if my new attitude is healthy and Im really suddenly accepting things as they are, or if I'm ignoring and pushing away and it'll be back to bite me in a week or two. That has happened before. But for now, I'm going to try and just enjoy it while it lasts. This new feeling started actually a few days before I started DBT, so while it helps, I know it isnt all a result of that. I'm not sure where it's coming from, but I'm not complaining!
Lots of things to talk about in therapy tomorrow. Lots of new thoughts and ideas. Does anyone ever have trouble distinguishing what "happy" feels like? Sometimes lately I wonder if I really do have a mild bipolar, not just regular depression. This feels a bit over the top. But I'm so out of touch with what "happy" feels like, I cant really say. Maybe this is how normal people feel, even though it feels a bit extreme to me. Just not sure. I guess time will tell. If it's bipolar, I can expect a crash again soon.
Glad to have babble back. :)
poster:wishingstar
thread:758722
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/758722.html