Posted by lcat10 on May 22, 2007, at 22:23:38
In reply to Re: Aaaaannnddd... » muffled, posted by pfinstegg on May 12, 2007, at 22:28:03
This is so awful, and unfortunately similar to my situation. I had been seeing a psychiatrist for two years, and one year ago he told me to find someone else as he thought we were at an impasse due to my too strong feelings. I got angry with him for sending me to a consult who was a bastard, and I also had some other more positive transference feeling I shared. Well I was devastated and begged him to keep me and said I would try to do what he wanted. This meant of course stuffing my anger and getting more depressed. He had wanted me to do ECT when I first saw him in 2005, and I refused. So, in 2006 I started to try to do what he wanted me to do and talk about all the abuse stuff; I felt my guts were being wrenched out, and I felt I was getting more and more depressed. He was out of his area of expertise trying to deal with my abuse history. To make a long story short, I ended up doing the ECT he wanted me to do, this past March, and ended it when I began to see some serious cognitive side effects. Some still persist but are not interfering with my job.
Anyway, I was upset that 7 treatments into the ECT, I started to have real problems and quit the ECT. My psychiatrist and the ECT doc both agreed this was the right thing to do, but I was scared I might never be able to do my job and was angry about agreeing to the ECT and angry with both psychiatrists. So, my psychiatrist starting acting stern and mean, and as had happened in 2006, I found myself dissociating when I was with him. I was/am less depressed, the only postive from ECT, and I knew I had to find someone else which I did. He is a training and supervising analyst in my city. He is more what I was used to from 20 years ago, and I have seen him now eight times.
Last Saturday it was weird though as I went to a workshop where he was presenting. I had signed up for it before I knew him and had planned to wait to see him until after the workshop, but I could not handle things with the other doctor. My new doctor said it me right off that it sounded as if I did the ECT as a gift to my old doctor. This left me feeling like sh*t. He was fine with me being at the workshop too. He knows my profession and my background and training, and I am probably being mysterious but feel I need to. I think this will be so much better for me, but like you I feel angry one minute and then cry the next as I really liked this other doctor and cannot believe he treated me with such distain at times. Most recently I wanted to see him twice per week as I felt I was unraveling (last month), and he said no that he did not think it would be good for me to do more than once per week. My new doctor wanted to do twice per week right away and even more than twice per week, but I can't afford more. He also asked me about lying down on the couch, and I said no as right now I am not feeling too trusting and to talk about abuse with someone new who I can't see is too threatening.
I hope things work out for you and for me too. I think you are right about your previous doctor having some sort of countertransference reaction. Did you show your new doctor the invite your old doctor sent you regarding coming back to him? Sounds like this old doctor needs to understand he is being inappropriate.
lcat10
poster:lcat10
thread:755956
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/758970.html