Posted by Daisym on May 5, 2007, at 18:27:45
In reply to Re: Extreme Honesty -- really long » Daisym, posted by Honore on May 5, 2007, at 17:44:21
Not too jumbled - I think I followed you.
There is the history part: My dad would get so angry and beat the snot out of us - and as kids, we didn't always know why. My husband would get really angry - like red in the face, screaming at me angry - and although he didn't hit, the potential was there. And in both these situations, they knew stuff about me and would shout it at me in the most humiliating way. I learned to shut it down to prevent public humiliation. So anger is super scary for me in so many ways.
My therapist has been angry at me but rarely. He gets frustrated and shows that. He has been angry FOR me. That is scary too. And in fact, he lost it once, crossed a line (verbally) that really, really scared me. I actually ended up needing to work through part of it with another trusted therapist, who then promptly sent me back to my own therapist because it was such an opportunity for me to stand up against anger. (aren't we lucky when that happens?)
So I don't think my therapist is afraid to get angry with me, it just isn't who he is as a person. He is generally a calm, kind of unflappable guy. But I'm sure he is careful. He has hurt my feelings before and that is such an awful feeling.
And the other thing your post makes me think of is that I have so much experience dealing with angry people - I don't think I'd learn much from an angry therapist. It would reinforce the idea that I bring out the worst in people and I need to manage their emotions and hide from my own. Only as there has been nothing to push against have I had to confront my own anger. I can't give it to the already angry person to hold for me. Boy, has this been hard!
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I hope it didn't upset you to think about.
poster:Daisym
thread:755643
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/756141.html