Posted by muffled on April 15, 2007, at 22:58:32
In reply to Re: Oh God, I don't wanna.**trigger RANT** » muffled, posted by littleone on April 15, 2007, at 21:51:12
> Hey muffled, hope you're feeling a bit better today.
**Yeah, some thanks...
> You can give yourself time to trust her again. You can take things as slow as you want.
**Good point. She patient. See its mostly not too bad this time. Mostly I am Ok w/still trusting her, I just kinda scared cuz its been so long, and.....well I dunno why I scared, but I am.
>
> Also, I wasn't sure about something. I know that parts of you have faxed stuff to your T and you've talked about parts, so she knows they are there. But are you saying here that she's never seen a part out there in her office? For some reason I thought she had, but maybe I'm just confused and forgetting stuff.**There have been proly only mebbe 2-3 parts there. And I dunno if she knows. I don't talk alot at best....Rarely look at her, and if I scared at all, I lean over my knees to hide completely, or just blank out.
I guess I could ask if she's noticed...cept mebbe i don't want to know the answer to that....No I don't want to know. SH*T.
> She already knows what you're like and she doesn't think you're weird now. She will take everything in her stride There's a reason why you think/act/feel/etc as you do. ( Like how leaves are green because of the chloroform stuff. You just need to understand your reasons for why you are like you are.**I dunno if I will ever know :( Most of my kidhood is a big blank, what little I know is what I been told. I can remember our backyard, but maybe thats from when I was older. I just get scared to try and remember. I don't think I ever will. I just am what I am.
> Is EP another part, or a real life person? I don't want to push you, so only answer if you're okay with that.
**EP= emotionless protector. When we done something real bad or stupid it punishes us. It also is ultimate protection. It feels nothing. It scares us. It scares me.
> It's okay muffled. Sometimes journal writing (and babbling by extension I guess) can let out unconscious thoughts. That's perfectly normal and okay and is half the reason why we do it. And if you have parts, then sometimes it will let the other parts say stuff they might not normally say. Just make sure you show it to your T and she can help you understand it.
**Ugh. I had an awful experience the other day. Iwas journalling, specifically to let my others talk. And usually its 'me' and the others talk thru me, but the other day I was writing and as I read it, it was awful, I read it and I realized it was ME writing, thru someone else, I was secondary,insteada the other way round. That upset me alot. I hate it when stuff like that happens.
> Go see your T. Goal one is getting to your T appointment. Then goal two is to hand over stuff you've written (if that's what you normally do).
**I normally fax her writings ahead of time, but I not so sure, I think I will wait and see this first time back.
> I never know what I'll be like when I get in to see my T. Even when I'm sitting in his waiting room I still have no idea what I'll be like once I go in and sit down. Bit of pot luck there. Not sure if you're the same or not.**LOL! I am the same. Sometimes I sit there outside and try SO hard to be rational adult, then the second I sit down in the office, POOF, I am in protective mode. Sometimes (mebbe often even) I am toughie, and its embarassing, so I say almost nothing then.
> It's funny cause I was starting to get real used to iwillsurvive. It makes sense though. Now you're muffled again because you have to pull in and hide away and protect yourself from your returning T. Need to stay quiet. Maybe another name you could use would be scaredbuttryingtotrustT.**LOL! Good name but takes too long to type!!!! :-)
**Thanks littleone, you give me good things to think of.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:749935
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/750165.html