Posted by muffled on April 13, 2007, at 22:40:32
In reply to Daisy? Help!, posted by antigua on April 13, 2007, at 13:32:24
> Let me add that I have a male pdoc, so I'm kind of playing out both parents here. He is a hardline type of guy (get over it, integration means there's no little girl, there's only you, etc., which is troubling at times, but I seem to react better to that, maybe because it's more authoritarian like my father). I'm usually strong enough to dismiss what he says when it doesn't fit, but last night he really tried to take away the little girl. (I had done something stupid and recognized that it had come from her, she was driving my self-destructive behavior). But if I deny her role, than I feel like I can't identify where the behavior is coming from. If it's from her, I can say, Oh, now I understand, but he says full integration means that me, the adult is driving the behavior. But that scare the bejeezus out of me because I'm not sure how to protect myself if I don't know where this behavior is coming from! To me, that puts me at such a greater risk for self-destructive behavior. Does this make any sense?
> Help! one and all,
> antigua**OMG!!!! I am REALLY trying to be calm, really really really. OMG. My T tried to say that sort of thing initially b4 she really knew much bout my people, and I express very little emotions in T (other than fear), and I speak very little, but I SPOKE strongly when she tried to put away my people. I quite surprized myself and proly her too.
And I am sorta where your at I think? in that I do want to, well I DON'T want to (integrate-BAD WORD, my T says it don't mean killing others off....), but I DO want there to be less disruption from certain ones, primarily one.
So when I finally understood bout my people it was HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!! to me, cuz allasudden my perpetual mad confusion was explained. It was SUCH a releif.
So what you say makes PERFECT sense to me. The behaviour is from the child, its the child that needs to be helped.
For example, there is a part of me that is SO well adjusted, I can even fool my T, but then another part gets triggered into upset and it festers and boils over.
So I don't know how the heck you supposed to help the child if she is somehow melded to you?
For me, it was THE CHILD that was hurt, not me, SHE was, and she is the one who needs help. But I DO know she is me, and I understand that she is me when I was younger and she frozen there, and we share this body, but we are separate. Damn its weird. I STILL try and deny. But it just keeps comming up again and again.
I would not be able to figure ANYthing out w/o being able to have some sense of where stuff was comming from.
Sigh, I could go on and on, as you may have noticed I feel strongly bout this, and ARRRGGGGHHH, I wanna give your stupid p-doc a big kick in the *ss.
I am done.
Take care antigua.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:749526
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070406/msgs/749636.html