Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 30, 2007, at 5:22:45
In reply to Re: My T and I discussing hospitalization*trigger*, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 30, 2007, at 4:20:30
What does that mean if I'm too scared to hurt myself to land myself in hospital. that means I'm not ready to go yet?
I don't want to end my life only change my life. but i don't feel like I'm part of my life.
It's just moving on around me. I have my little tiny injuries, and strong urges. but something always stops me.
that means i don't go to hospital? I'm so confused. Do I have to hurt myself to go? there are ways. I'm just scared that I will be in dissociated state and no one to call and I will go too far.
that's all for now.
I have no safe place. even my safe room has opportunities. my medication is poisonous. but who will be there to wake me up?
no one. and i don't want to die. just hurt. oh sh*t. i probably said too much already. i'm too weary to edit my thoughts though.
on the bright side, I've lost 7 lbs this week from not eating. the mouse is not all bad. i know that I'll gain it all back as solid blubber eventually, but for now. i can pretend that I'm on some kind of positive trajectory, even if it is self destructive, and even if I'm dehydrated.
that's enough for now. i took a klonopin. one klonopin. and maybe i'll rest a bit.
fetal, of course.
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:745121
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070324/msgs/745373.html