Posted by wishingstar on March 10, 2007, at 0:02:57
In reply to Re: the letter (see above post) » wishingstar, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 9, 2007, at 12:42:15
Thank for all. I hope she sees it this way too.. as "honest, real, and sad".. because thats exactly how it feels. But sometimes it seems like it doesnt matter what the underlying motivation is.. she might see it how she wants to see it, throw it into my "this is borderline stuff!" box of fun.. or just be too frustrated with me to know what to do with it.. and miss the point entirely. I hope not. Its funny because to me, and to those who have been there, it feels so obvious.. I wish these things were clear to Ts as well.
Thank you for saying you're impressed iwillsurvive (I want to call you by your old name! argh). I'm not sure if you should be impressed at this point, because I have done a LOT of really dumb, harmful things to myself and my therapy in the past few weeks.. but I'm trying. I wish everyone would see past the dumb things and see how hard I'm trying. I dont mean you all.. I think you all do see it. But Ginny. And others. It means a lot to me that youd say that though. Simple validation it really big for me right now. I will think about showing it to Laurie.. its a good idea.
My advisor from grad school called Ginny today. Pam (advisor) tried to call me last night and this morning and I didnt answer either time (for good reason, and I just hadnt been able to return the call yet) and she was afraid I'd hurt myself, so she called Ginny. Lovely. I called and left Ginny a "sorry, I'm fine" message once I found out. Pam does care a lot, but is very wacky and hard to rely on emotionally in some ways. Ginny told her to call the police to check on me if she felt she needed to. Thankssss Ginny! Yuck. I know she was trying to help though.
I just hate myself so much right now.
But you all help so much. Thank you.
I'll let you know what happens with Ginny on Thursday. I hope she gets it. I just need to feel safe.
poster:wishingstar
thread:738775
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/739702.html