Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 5, 2007, at 21:42:45
In reply to Re: have I ever wondered if I was ****trigger***** » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by Daisym on March 5, 2007, at 16:27:59
Ugh.
I sent T another e-mail. this one is more frank. I can write it. that's something. she writes back a one-liner like"of course I'll help you remember"
or "thanks so much for sending me this"
With my oldT, anticipating the session after an e-mailed revelation was like a slow march to the gallows. panic and anxiety about the session.
NewT I look forward to seeing. I know in my heart that she cares and will help me sort through it all. I think she's very good at what she does.
I think one of the reasons why I am self-injuring less these days is because I feel like she understands and doesn't judge me for it.
Did she know what she was getting herself into? Did I? of course not! given the statistics, though, wouldn't you expect that many if not most women entering therapy have experienced trauma?
And that many of them will want to work on things that developed because, or are exacerbated by, their traumatic pasts?
And that many therapists view helping traumatized folks get past their trauma to be one of the most satisfying aspects of their job?
I hope mine does, anyways.
My oldT told me during my last session that it was very meaningful and satisfying to him that he started seeing me when I was depressed and had no idea why, and that after only a few months I was no longer depressed AND I had enough strength to go after the big demons, instead of "walking out of the office, and pretending like all one's problems are solved". Well I wanted to kick him at the same time I wanted to hug him.
Kick him because I felt horrible in a different way than I had ever felt (knowing that I had been abused) and
Hug him because I felt like I had made the right decision to stay in therapy and because I finally heard him telling me that I was a good person worth saving
And then *poof*!
OldT is gone. NewT is here, and she's got a traumatized LlurpsieNoodle on her hands.
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:738494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070215/msgs/738617.html