Posted by littleone on February 8, 2007, at 20:34:28
In reply to Helping Yourself - csa trigger, posted by Daisym on February 7, 2007, at 0:47:26
Hi daisy,
I think I would find this very difficult as well (although it does sound like a very worthwhile thing to work at).
I think the biggest problem for me would be that my adult could walk into the visualisation, but as soon as it heard/saw someone angry/abusing/etc, that would trigger a young part. And the young part would not be able to stand up for me. And its strong emotions would override whatever the adult me was trying to do.
Is that what is happening for you? Or is it only
your adult there and it is the adult who is terrified and becoming sick?> And I'm so ashamed and disgusted with myself that I can't do it, even though it is ONLY in MY imagination -- I can't even pretend in my own head that I'm strong.
I think that working on this exercise takes a lot of courage and strength. Especially when you don't succeed the very first time. Persistence is a very worthy quality/strength.
> What do you guys think? Should I keep trying to work on this on my own? Or should I try it with my therapist?I think it would be important to break it down into smaller turtle steps. I really liked the ideas from some of your other responses re how to do this. They were very clever!
And I do think an important turtle step would be to have your T helping you - at least in these early stages. Then as you build up your turtle steps you could work towards standing up to your dad on your own. I know you mentioned some problems you're having in your T relationship. Sorry, but that is not a good enough reason to pull back from him! Doing this exercise may help towards improving things between you both again.
I'm not sure how healthy it is to continue on the exercise as you currently are. It almost seems as if you're allowing yourself to be abused, putting yourself in the abusive situation, etc without any extra armour/defenses/skills/etc. I'm not sure how well I'm articulating this. I think it would be better to be doing the exercise at the level you're attempting once you have extra tools/skills at your disposal. Until then, I think it is much safer for you to work at a lower level in order to build up the tools and skills you need. Did that make sense?
This definately is not saying you're a failure, etc. Think of it as heading for the same objective using a smarter strategy. You'll probably have a greater chance of success if you work up to it, instead of making yourself sick and terrified each time.
> Or should I just give up and know that I'll never be brave enough...I couldn't save myself then and I still can't.
Definately not!!! You can do this daisy. You save yourself every day. You have the bravery and courage inside you. Hold your T's hand and take the little turtle steps.
poster:littleone
thread:730667
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/731232.html