Posted by Daisym on February 7, 2007, at 1:14:11
In reply to Re: Survivors of suicide » Declan, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 6, 2007, at 22:17:59
My brother in law hung himself just before his 30th birthday. It was a horrible thing, and my husband's family has never recovered completely. It's been 20 years and there are still lingering questions and resentments among the siblings, cousins and parents. Different poeple knew different parts, so some members of the family were more shocked than others. I'd been married at that time about 3 1/2 years and found out soon after I was expecting our second son. We actually kept it a secret for a long time, no one wanted to celebrate a new life, we were all grieving the one lost.
After all this time, I understand much more (I think) about why my brother-in-law made the choice he did. I can't tell you how often someone said, "why didn't he call anyone? I would have been there for him, I would have done anything for him." But in those moments, when no one has been there for you and when you don't even know what you need, why would you think about reaching out, even if you had the capacity? I've seen the life long mark a suicide leaves on a family. I've felt the pain that is so deep you feel you must end it. To say it is a struggle, is like calling a lion a kitten.
I used to think that suicide was a message to someone, maybe everyone else. Now I believe that it is just a way to end your own unbearable suffering. And while you are so sorry to leave those who love you, you also know that they wouldn't want you to suffer either.
Complicated.
poster:Daisym
thread:730369
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070203/msgs/730670.html