Posted by muffled on January 23, 2007, at 22:10:11
In reply to Re: Don't know what to call this. » muffled, posted by littleone on January 23, 2007, at 20:47:38
> inside is all walled off. can't see in. it's not even blackness and boxes. just all walled off. feels like he's walled off too. mabye he's walled off on the inside of me. so he hasn't left. he's just behind the wall where i can't se. do you think he's still here? i don't like it when he goes away
**I TOTALLY beleive he is still there. You just can't see him yet, but you will, this time will pass.
> yeah, sometimes it's hard to tell if the nothingness is coming or is here already or just glaring out at you from teh bushes. i'm not lost in the horrible black yet. but i want it to go away.
**Try not to be afraid of the black.The black still seems scarey, but try not to get scared of the black. Just like the sun rises and the morning gets light again, so does the black go away. The black won't stay.
> i ttied thinking of why its bad now but i get so confused. i know the miserable part came a copule of weeks ago because of how he talked about babble stuff. set it off. but this time it hasn't gone away again. didn't get hte young part back. so now everythings different. things that worked withteh young part don't work with this one. had very strong feras and worries that make no snse.
**Yeah, my bad one is very young, I seem to be able to mostly set her aside, but she still bothers me w/her screaming sometimes. But she seems to calm down somehow eventually.
>
> i don't know how to help this part. it's so awful. it gets so miserable and hopeless and won't listen or accdpt anything. it thinks no one understands. all too hard to say in words. it's very bad from a very bad time inm my life.**My young part, I had given up on her, ALL of me had given up on her. But there was a part I didn't know that did care bout her. But I don't. I just want her to go away.
> it's good. hangman is that word game. except we dont use words. we use phrases. so i can send him nasty messages if i want. e xcept he gets confused with teh rusles. and doesn't drwa the hangman properly.**Your T doesn't get it right! You need to teach him then. Sounds like a good game. mebbe I can try it w/my t cuz my little one doesn't seem to be allowed to talk, or mebbe she's too shy.
> the 10 yrear old isn't nasty. it's just so miserable and hopeless and wants to sink into the hole. i think it lives in the pit. i try to tell my t what it thinks adn feels. things don't go well if it starts to talk to my t. that's when we have to paly hangman.
**yeah, I can see that. Hangman is a very clever thing. My ikid says that other kid in me is swampweed. Maybe the 10 yr old would like to have a real name of his/her own? Sometimes thats nice, sometimes they don't like that. Your 10 yr old can come to my mossy place that my T made me. Its all soft moss that you can roll around on, and if you fall down its soft, and there's a little creek too. And trees so the sun is not hot and doesn't hurt your eyes. And rocks with BUGS! under them!!!!!!! and the water has stuff in it too. Sometimes if you lucky you can find a CRAYFISH!!! in the creek. But they pinch, but its not so bad. And sometimes I can sit and watch a spider make its web, takes a long time, but its so cool. Anyhow, this mossy place is always safe, noone can get me there, and if 10 yr old wants to go there she can. And part of me has been in the hole, so we kinda know bout that, so if 10 yr old wants company, we can play, or not play and just look for cool stuff, or she can be there by herself if she wants. This is long, but the place is very cool.
> but i don't want it back. it's awful. i want it to go away. i can't get out when i get lost hter.
**Thats it. Maybe you can't get out in your own way, but you DO come out somehow. Me too. I dunno how I come out, but I just do. I know I will always come out. I always do. Its like a law or something of the nothingness. That if you go in, you ALWAYS come out. Just the way it is. So now for me I don't like it, but I not so ascared of it either now.
> no can't do this. i have him on dvd. he was on tv one time and i bought it from teh tv station. except it doesn't look like him or sound like him. can't phone him cause that would be very bad. things are very very bad when i do that. i have his notes. i should read them.
**good for you. I like my T's handwriting too! Don't care bout the words, I just like to see the writing. I think it would be weird to me to see my T on TV. Kinda freaky. But thats just me. I can understand why you can't phone him right now.
> we'll have to talk about bodies one day. i feel so separate from my body. it's like a strangething that sits down below my head. it does strange things i don't understand. it does stupid things.**My body feels bad ways sometimes, but I didn't tell my T that. Sometimes I look at my body doing things. But it doesn't do strange things I am glad to say, but maybe sometimes I am bad to it.
> fussing made me smile. wish i could see it as fussing instead of being it. that would mke life much easier.
>
**Is 'it' , a sad thing? Sometimes I can feel sad things, but I make it go away very fast. I am too good at this cuz sometimes I want to understand stuff but I can't cuz I make it go away but I don't want to. Sometimes it WON'T go away, but that is very rare to happen to me. My security system is very fast and very good.
I do not know your T, he sounds like a good T. I wish I knew your T so I could tell 1o yr old its OK, and it proly is, but I can't say if I don't know. But I bet it is. I have never heard littleone say T is bad, so he's OK I think.
Good night,
Be in your safe nest, and if you like you can be in the mossy place.
Muffled
poster:muffled
thread:725609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/725788.html