Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2006, at 17:10:05
In reply to Re: Eeek no. I just can't think about it. » Dinah, posted by Daisym on November 11, 2006, at 16:21:20
I have some memory of, before everything got all messed up, discussing with my therapist the developmental phases.
And how when you're ready to explore you're both excited to leave Mom, but worried about it, so you cling sometimes. And I remember arguing vehemently that it was all downhill from toddler on. That what was gained in exploration and mastery was never as satisfying as what was lost.
I've already gone through it once, and didn't like it, and don't find any excitement in it. I don't want to do it again.
I guess there's a faint possibility that it has something to do with the fact that my mother was most loving with children young enough to merge with her. But surely that was offset by the fact that my father most appreciated children old enough to have an interesting conversation.
Or maybe it simply has to do with the fact that needing your mother is essential for that total feeling of immersed safety. That once you no longer need her, you also gain realizations that she really can't keep you safe or that you can see to your safety yourself, or... Drat. Lost it again.
I think I understand to some extent the feelings about lovingness. It's not that I haven't experienced that in other places in my life, and I don't think I'm afraid of loving (in fact it's always been the most important thing in my life). But loving in this setting is a unique experience, and I frankly treasure it.
poster:Dinah
thread:702376
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061109/msgs/702648.html