Posted by Daisym on November 5, 2006, at 23:02:18
In reply to Re: The Little Girl Inside - long again, posted by sunnydays on November 4, 2006, at 22:15:26
**** But it always surprises me because I mean to say it in my normal 'this doesn't bother me' voice, but it always comes out very soft and in my opinion my voice sounds kind of childish when I talk in therapy. Is that kind of what you mean? Or am I way off base?You aren't way off base - this is sort of what I mean. I hate how I sound in therapy, btw. I think I sound whiny.
**** I'm not very good at identifying which are parts are childlike. I used to feel kind of hurt when my T would say, that's the little girl part talking, what would the adult part say. But I couldn't tell him at the time because I just wasn't at the point where I could say something like that to him. Because whatever I'm feeling I'm feeling right then and it feels so real, like that's the only feeling there is.
That is exactly what I'm talking about. It is hard to feel so young and still reflect on what the more grown up parts want to say.
**** I don't know if that's what my therapist was talking about or not. He always refers to these feelings as coming from 'the little girl part of you', but we haven't really talked about it except for a little at the end last time. He did say that it can be a useful way to conceptualize things, so I'm not sure if he was talking about an actual part that exists separate. I'm sort of confused about what he meant because I sort of know what you mean, but I'm not sure what he meant. He may have been trying not to scare me though by saying it the way he did. I just don't know on that one.
You should ask him. It is never good to guess at what your therapist means or meant. I've learned that lesson the hard way. It is likely to be a fruitful discussion.
***** See, I know things happened to me, but at the same time it doesn't seem like me. Were you always aware of these frozen ego states, or did they become more pronounced or well defined as you were doing this work? Did it always feel like it happened to a different part of you? And do all these parts still feel like you to some degree? Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to understand.
Don't be sorry - I ask lots of questions myself. I wasn't aware of these ego states until I started talking about the abuse. I knew about some of the things that happened to me, but the more I talked about what happened at 11, the more I knew more happened. It has been a weird experience - I wouldn't have believed how real it all feels if it hadn't happened to me directly. The abuse I suffered was severe and prolonged, so the dissociation was pretty pronounced. I think the parts that hold the memories do so because I'm not ready to integrate everything yet. And you know, it isn't even really what happened at these ages, it is more about why it happened and the fact that I feel so guilty and so at fault. The shame is huge. My therapist tells me often and very forcefully that is isn't my fault (her fault - the younger part of me) but it is hard to really believe fully. So the younger age states hold the blame, the shame and most of the pictures. I don't go there as often as I used to, but sometimes I still "turn" into her.
> ****** You helped lots, daisy, and definitely gave me lots to think about. Thank you so much for responding like this. I never feel like I deserve such long responses from anyone. Thank you.
aah, that makes me sad. How could you not deserve lots of long responses? You are important to this board and to me. (((Sunnydays))) When do you see your therapist again?
poster:Daisym
thread:700352
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061026/msgs/700816.html