Posted by Lindenblüte on October 6, 2006, at 20:40:09
In reply to Go, Speed Racer! » Lindenblüte, posted by Racer on October 6, 2006, at 13:18:28
Hi Racer,
well, part of the pressure to get this stuff out is that I have started working with a newT. As I try to kind of give her a chance to know me, she is asking me questions. Of course, I could answer the questions any way I please, but at the moment, I chose to answer them from the perspective of- "this is how I am starting to understand my situation". We have spent little time talking about my work, or my recent stresses. This is partially because I have few stresses at the moment. My classes have no requirements besides attendance, my appointments are few and far between, since the school year has started, and I have been making decent progress on my dissertation work. I'm in a comfortable groove now. So? What else to talk about.Oh. and the few stressors I *do* have to talk about concern my family. Various members of my family were being biopsied for life-threatening things last week, so, there was an awful lot of phone calls and other uncomfortable interactions with the people who were at the scene of the crime, so to speak.
I guess it feels good to tell my newT some of the old secrets. The more times I tell them and I'm not annihilated for breaking the #1 rule I learned while growing up, well, the better it feels. The less conflict I feel.
However, I'm not allowing myself to feel them, except for VERY VERY superficially. Some things that transpired are just so tragic, so undeniably, morally WRONG, that I cannot reconcile these events with my knowledge of myself or my family.
I have a feeling that this is going to involve a lot of crying at some point in the near future. NewT better have a full box of kleenex when all the uglies start to come out.
:(
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:692400
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692531.html