Posted by annierose on October 6, 2006, at 19:31:16
Sometimes when I hit the wall, I wonder if this is bound happen. Of couse I often stumble along the way, but when I crash head-on at an impass, I think, does this have to happen to make forward progress? In order words, (in my psychodynamic therapy) do I have to suffer the perils of transferance?
Early on in today's session I was quiet. I didn't like her vibe (for lack of a better expression) or her tone, "So how are you doing today?". It took some time before I could reply and then more silence. I shared a story about yoga, more silence from her; I shared another story, again silence.
Finally I said, "I feel like this silence is building a barrier between us."
Snotty t reply - (paraphrasing) "I don't have any comments to make at this time. When I want to share something I will."
Me: "Well --- I guess I feel the same. We will just both sit here in silence until one of us wants to share something. (pause) God this is ridiculous."
T: Let's reframe this feeling. I am not pushing you away, I really wanted to know how you are doing today and instead you feel like I don't care. I say, you are reacting to a memory, a very early memory. AND ... if you could put into words how that felt to be shut out, I think it would be productive.
Me: Been there, done that. We both know how I felt as a child, we have gone over that time and time again. Maybe I'm reacting to you being a hundred miles away from this room.
T: I'm right here.
Golly, I hate sessions that this. I do think I did pick up on something in her mood. Yes, I made more of it than was probably there, but her snotty comments got my defenses engaged. I wanted to run out of there a few times but decided to hang tough and try to work this out ---to no avail.
Now I go back on Monday to face this again. UGH! Did I hear "cancel"????? Nahhh, that would be too easy.
poster:annierose
thread:692512
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692512.html