Posted by littleone on October 6, 2006, at 1:32:39
In reply to Re: Therapy Update » littleone, posted by alexandra_k on October 5, 2006, at 5:40:12
> Why were you afraid you would do a runner to a new t?
I'm okay at the moment, but as soon as a part gets scared or I believe he's done something bad, etc it's real hard not to put my running shoes on. I don't want to make it any easier to run if/when it comes up again in the future.
> How do you decide whether you want to move because you would be better off with the new person or whether it is a temporary urge to move that will pass?
>
> (I'm just trying to understand)That's exactly the right question alex. And also exactly why I get strong urges to encourage you to stay with your T.
Whenever I want to run, I have rock solid reasons to leave. I have concrete evidence that he lied to me. I have absolute conviction that he did something wrong. I have an absolute certainty that his stuff is getting in the way of things. I've even insisted that he take the matter to a supervisor/colleague.
They are very solid, very sound, very logical reasons to leave.
Of course, the young part that is attached to him gets terribly distressed and upset and doesn't want to be ripped away from him. But the logical reasons make it seem like a necessary step that I must take to continue my healing. That staying with him will end up being harmful or a waste of time. That the best thing I can do is to find a better T.
After 2 1/2 years of this, I can now see that it is really a teenage part that is causing these problems. It holds the mad. It knows exactly how to be very very convincing to the other parts.
And after all this time, I can now start to see that it happens when I am very threatened by something discussed in therapy. Or when certain fears are triggered. So now I can (very slowly) start to believe that my T won't hurt me. That my stuff is very much intertwined into all this. That maybe (just maybe) things aren't as concrete as they appear to me.
And even though I'm still thoroughly convinced (even today) that he lied to me, did bad/wrong things and can't help me with his stuff in the way ... you know what? I have taken some big steps in healing anyway. Part of me thinks it's in spite of our problems, but part thinks it's because of our "problems". And because I did not give in to the defensive urge to run.
And if I had of left him on any of those earlier occasions, I wouldn't be this far down the healing road. I would be many steps back. And I would still be stuck in the habit of running. Which would mean I would never get better while that's still in place.
So I guess that's why it upsets me when you want to leave your T because it's not working out. Maybe because you're leaving her without even trying to talk it through with her. It just seems like that could be repeated over and over with many T's. And even though you think she may not be the best T, it doesn't mean that she can't help you.
Having said that, I don't know her. I'm not there for your interactions. And some T's are just plain hopeless. Only you can decide.
But I know that for me it is very hard to see the real truth and make a correct decision.
Maybe too because it seems like you're not definate you want to leave her. There's at least part of you that wants to stay. Even though there's a strong part of you wanting to pull the pin. If she was really hopeless or you really didn't click at all, I don't think that indecision would be there.
I'll shut up now. I'm trying hard not to push you and convince you to stay with her. I'm trying very hard to *just* show you why it was so important for me to stay ... even when I was certain the best thing was for me to leave.
> Are you going to stop with the art t once your old t comes back?
No more art T. Going back to my normal T. Even on the second art T session, we didn't actually do art therapy. Just talked. Really upset my young part. What sort of art T has all the art stuff out in front of you, but then doesn't let you use it?
poster:littleone
thread:691990
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692300.html