Posted by littleone on October 5, 2006, at 0:17:24
I lot has been happening with me lately.
Been lost in the nothingness for maybe a couple of months now. My T went on holidays a couple of weeks ago. This is currently his third week away. He comes back on Monday. And I think that because the nothingness is so firmly entrenched, I’ve found it a lot easier to cope with him gone this time.
The other thing that has helped me a lot is having a temporary T while he’s away.
We picked:
a) a lady,
b) who works in his office suite, and
c) who is really actually a sex therapist.This was all very deliberate to ensure there was no way I would do a runner away from him to her. She was just supposed to be kind and caring and just basically help the young parts through his holidays.
Unfortunately things didn’t really go to plan. She only talked to the adult, didn’t help the young parts at all. And there were a few things about her and our visits that I found real hard because of my mum issues. But I had gone there knowing there would be mum stuff getting in the way, so I was handling that okay I guess.
But then she did something that just devastated me. I know that it was my own issues causing the devastated feelings, but still … I just couldn’t address it with her or handle it without my T. I was so distressed I just couldn’t hold back and *not* do a runner from her.
So I bolted. Then tried desperately to find a new “rent a friend” for the remainder of my T’s holidays. Do you know how hard it is to hire someone just to be with you or talk to you? Someone who’s not a T that is.
Out of desperation I ended up booking in with an art therapist. A guy. No way I could see another woman. And now I’m desperately worried that I’ve set myself up in another pattern from childhood. A pattern where one parent has to be favoured over the other. And I’m desperately worried that the attachment to my T isn’t nearly as strong as I thought it was and I will real quickly latch on to this art T instead.
I deliberately picked this art T because he doesn’t have brilliant qualifications. Wanted to avoid forming a relationship with someone I would want to see instead of my T.
But the thing is, the young part just loved visiting him. He has a real calm and gentle eastern feel about him. I really need calm and gentle. And he has some decorative things in his office that really draws the young part to them. And then of course there’s the art supplies. The urge to slide down on to the floor and start drawing was huge.
We didn’t even end up using the art supplies on my first visit. Just talked. But even that was really good. He is so affirming. And he really genuinely seemed to like the way I think. It was a real good session. I see him again later today.
Then it’s only 3 days til my T comes back.
And I’m real worried he’s not going to like what I’ve done.
Real worried about the triangle I’ve created.
Real worried that the young part likes this art T too much. Worried because I think it would be real good to see him a bit more to help find ways to get out of the nothingness.
Real worried I’m setting myself up into some terrible pattern from old.
poster:littleone
thread:691990
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/691990.html