Posted by Racer on October 5, 2006, at 19:44:39
In reply to Re: not liking my T's 'other' clients » annierose, posted by Jost on October 5, 2006, at 18:21:47
I get that a little with the other people in group. There's one other woman I just find overwhelming. When she's not there, group is always great for me, but when she's there -- let's just say I don't feel nearly as satisfied.
Actually, let's say a lot of other things, but mostly having to do with me feeling very unhappy with myself about my reactions. I start feeling immature, childish, selfish, and many other unattractive things because I resent the amount of space she takes up in the room -- ESPECIALLY when she starts talking about how much work she's done with our T, how great she is because of it, what she's doing in her graduate program at the school where our T is a dean -- especially because she'll say things like, "Well, you know what he's like..." to our T -- and so on. I feel a lot of resentment -- part of which is just plain NOT LIKING her, which makes me feel bad; and I get resentful because she talks too much about herself and how she doesn't have this problem anymore, that never bothers her anymore, etc. And there's a place in me that feels envy, because I get this feeling like our T likes her more than she likes me... (Part of all this is that I don't even have a BA, so I get a painful envy about anyone in graduate school, tinged with a lot of shame that I've accomplished NOTHING in my life.)
Some of the other women in group I envy, but that's the only one who causes me any problems.
As far as crossing paths with other clients, my T specializes in eating disorders, so I turn emerald green when I pass someone thin, and feel ashamed when I pass someone heavy, and feel slightly less ashamed when I pass someone "normal" sized. I guess I get ashamed at being so fat when I pass someone thin, so shame is a bit of a theme. In terms of resenting them for seeing my T, too, that's not a problem for me.
I'll say it again, despite having said it before: When I taught riding, my students were mostly all special to me. There were a few who stood out, but mostly they were ALL special to me, just in different ways. I know that people tend to discount someone who says that, thinking they're trying to make everyone feel better, but you know what? It's true -- they were all special to me, and I looked forward to nearly every single one of them. (The few exceptions were very few, and they were the impossible students. Some of them were assigned to me because NO ONE else there would teach them -- partly as punishment for me being me, but partly because I could put up with a certain level of impossibility in students.)
The point of all that is that I don't worry that my T thinks of me as a number -- I know she doesn't, because of some things she's said in group, but I also take it on faith that she operates in a similar manner to the way I did with students. I believe, and take it on faith, that she sees ALL of her clients as being special in some way. (I also think she'd refer away anyone she just didn't want to deal with.)
Bent, if you are just reacting to your own issues, that's one thing. If that's the case, I think it's well worth bringing into a session. (I know it's hard -- I'm thinking about posting something about my own current issue, which I might do later.) On the other hand, if you're getting actual vibes that something's wrong, and you don't think it's you -- it might be worth considering if this is the right therapist for you right now...
poster:Racer
thread:692124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692188.html