Posted by Jost on October 5, 2006, at 18:21:47
In reply to Re: not liking my T's 'other' clients » bent, posted by annierose on October 5, 2006, at 16:59:19
I've felt this, and I"ve also just felt jealous of other patients. I might see someone in the waiting room and think they're much neater and more interesting, or accomplished than me-- and that my T looks forward to seeing them, and that they make him feel special, or that they are special. While I"m ordinary, dreary, boring, draining, or whatever.
I think I've felt like just one of a crowd-- as if I disappear into the multitudes of almost indistinguishable people around my T-- and we're all vying for attention-- and that I"ll inevitably lose out.
Among other things.
I always think, though, when I worry about being special-- what do I mean by it anyway? And why does one person, my T, or another person-- some other T-- or someone I"m suddenly attracted to in RL--suddenly become the arbiter of who's "special"-whatever it means--when a week or two before I didn't even know they (that T, or that attractive person) existed. And at a future point, I'll have forgotten about them, and they'll have lost the power to endow anyone with "specialness" for me.
I also question the whole notion of 'specialnes" and its role in my life-- mostly in my not being it-- and therefore being rather useless.
I'm not sure if any of these is like what you're experiencing. Maybe you have a very different set of emotions, or thoughts, about your T and her other patients/clients.
Jost
poster:Jost
thread:692124
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692165.html