Posted by llrrrpp on September 17, 2006, at 16:50:20
In reply to (((((((((((((((ElaineM))))))))))))))))), posted by sunnydays on September 17, 2006, at 10:22:20
Hi Elaine.
I'm glad to hear that i'm not the only one who uses babble-chat to stay out of trouble. I'm really anxious right now too. I don't know what to do with my self sometimes either.I take my meds about the same time as I log on to babblechat. I clean my face and take my meds, and then come and hang out and be goofy. I stay on until I absolutely cannot sit upright any longer. Then I stumble off to bed. I have sleepy meds. They work.
I SI almost everyday. It's not as bad as cutting my arm, that I've only done a little bit a few months ago. But this is also bad. It's my old habit. cuticles. And I cut them and shred them with implements. I've tried what I can do, but no matter where I go, there are always opportunities for me to hurt myself. My teeth and my hands are always there.
I have a bleeder on almost every finger now. The other night I was spilling all the stuff on my thread below. I had one that wouldn't stop bleeding for hours. I put the blood all over my pajamas. It's a mess. It's disgusting.
It's okay though. Really. It's not wonderful, but if I can figure out WHY I get so anxious, and what I can do to avoid it, then I will be in a better position to stop doing it. I alternate between different bad behaviors, but I have something almost every day. picking. scratching. scabs, cutting cuticles, ugh. makes me ill to think about it. But the purpose of these behaviors is to help me avoid feeling the other things. I can hardly think about anything BUT me, but at least I'm not feeling it.
I'm going to go work on my marble roller coaster now. I bought it at a toy store. It's something I always wanted to have. It's a fun toy to tinker with. Why is the marble flying off the curve? if I tweak it here or there, will it fix the problems (yes, but then the marble is too slow to make the loop-d-loop.) I finished one yesterday. It took hours. Now I'm ready to start another one.
(((((elaine))))).
I don't need hugs. I don't know what I need, but there aren't enough hugs in the world to make me feel safe right now. I've got hugs IRL, and I'm still in a bad place. oh well.
I'm so sorry to spread my misery on your thread. not fair.
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:685579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686862.html