Posted by ElaineM on September 16, 2006, at 23:52:24
In reply to Re: a gesture, posted by caraher on September 16, 2006, at 13:57:10
Yes caraher, maybe T is not always so nice. And maybe I'm not always so deserving. who knows. i told him i will go to my test alone tomorrow. There's no point going with another. It doesn't mean anything. the doc at emerg wants me to come back to outpatient medical unit after the other test tomorrow because of today. I'm not well again. I will not let them keep me overnight though. When you beg for help they don't listen, when you ask to be left alone they won't mind their own business. I'd rather be at home. I don't care. i hate myself and this f*cking body. Stupid f*cking body. There is nothing to look forward to. i am glad i keep breaking, because if life didn't hurt me I'd hurt myself. i'm frightened and i'm tired. and writing is hard, and everything is hard. And there's no respite anywhere. Safe is not even safe. And my mouth and my body and my aloneness! I do have to stop for a little rest until things are better. even though they will never be better :'( What am i going to do? It is too hard to be both against and not-against, so i'm going to only be one for a while. too confusing with those bad thoughts.
Be back later. Hugging you and everyone.
poster:ElaineM
thread:685579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/686701.html