Posted by ElaineM on September 2, 2006, at 14:54:36
In reply to Re: empty » ElaineM, posted by MidnightBlue on September 2, 2006, at 1:15:14
I'm sorry if it's rude to do group replies (I'm not sure what people think of that.) but I'm just not good with my words right now -- and it's hard to transfer blankness, tears to the screen.
Caraher, Poet and MidnightBlue, Thank you. I appreciate hearing from each of you (and I hope it doesn't seem like the opposite since I can't respond individually right now). But it is so hard to come from sessions, or scary meetings like this last one, and have only myself after. Only my own replays of all the stupid or hurtful things I'd said. Only my own fear and guilty and loneliness. And being so upset, it leaves me feeling like i'm the only person in the world even more than usual. You make me feel like I'm not so alone (at least when I'm on the computer)
I don't think I'll ever believe good things about myself. There is what I think of, and how I experience myself. There's a ton of evidence of what others have thought of me, from my experiences in the past. There's the people who hate me now (or at least, don't care).....And then there is an old T, an old Doc, and you guys who are saying differently. And my T (who I guess, doesn't count). And while the gesture is appreciated, the "EL's bad" side is sooo much bigger -- And it makes sense to me.
Does anyone ever not hate themself?
Thanks for trying to fill my head with other thoughts. I babble-Love you all.
EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:682157
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060826/msgs/682359.html