Posted by Racer on August 13, 2006, at 14:27:38
In reply to Re: Ugh. I'm feeling needy, posted by llrrrpp on August 12, 2006, at 20:51:47
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> Can you ask your Mr. X for a bit of help? Tell him you're super stressed out about your exam, and that maybe you're blowing things out of proportion, but that you just need a little more support for the next few days. That it would mean a lot to you if he could take care of a few extra tasks, like picking up the living room, or getting dinner ready. You can also give him a heads up that you are going through a tough time and that it's really important that you get good nutrition- see if he wants to go out to a restaurant tomorrow?See, I have asked for help. Many times, for years. It's something that comes up regularly in marriage counseling, and you know what the result is? I get to feel guilty and ashamed and angry and overwhelmed. Nothing else. I think the MC is starting to catch on, but so far nothing has changed. In the six and a half years we've lived here, he has cleaned the kitchen floor once, and that's about it. His only chore around here is vacuuming, which we agreed he would do once a week and I wouldn't say a word about when he did it or how well. That lasted three weeks. Since then -- that was November of 2004 -- he's vacuumed twice, and made a big deal each time that I was too messy for him to do it. If I go on, I'll get more upset, so let's just leave it at this: it's not worth asking him for help, because it won't lead to anything except me getting more upset.
And then I get overwhelmed, and feel like a complete failure, because I can't keep this place tidy.
And he says no to a housekeeper. Even the MC has brought that up.
He swears up and down that this isn't a case of "I go to work to earn money to support you -- your job is to take care of the house." He swears that isn't it. He also swears he would do anything at all to help me. Apparently that doesn't include anything useful around the house. Except, by the way, complain about the state of it.
And I have asked for help, with the housework, with being held, etc. Same result.
Thanks, Lurpsie. You really are encouraging, even if I do sound negative right now. I think I'm a little depressed...
poster:Racer
thread:675894
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/676060.html