Posted by Racer on August 12, 2006, at 18:38:57
I dunno...
I just realized I'm feeling pretty needy right now, and -- shock horror -- not getting my needs met. Partly, no doubt, because every time I think of expressing that neediness, I immediately pull back inside myself, telling myself that I'm weak, lazy, damaged, selfish, etc, for asking anyone to care about my needs.
Doesn't help that Mr X and I had a fight this morning, that led to me skipping breakfast -- first to hurt him, which seemed manipulative, so then I didn't deserve to have any food, but at the same time I loved that I had an excuse not to eat, but I also felt lousy and unloved. (Truly, too, though, my feelings were hurt by something he did. He did it because he was mad at me, but wouldn't tell me that directly. UGH!) So now I feel manipulative, unloved (and unloveable), needy, etc.
And useless. Someone fax me a maid? I can't seem to get anything useful done.
And I need a nap, but my husband is in his Saturday position -- napping on the damn sofa, where he's been all day while I try to do laundry, clean bathrooms, and still somehow get some study time in for a test on Monday I know I'm not going to do well on. I want to give up.
Ah, going back to the "going limp" piece, I guess. It's so hard to keep studying with all the stresses I'm feeling, and I want to drop the class. It's only four more days in class -- the final is Thursday. I can't do it.
Someone slap me, see if that helps.
poster:Racer
thread:675894
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060808/msgs/675894.html