Posted by ElaineM on July 11, 2006, at 20:31:21
In reply to Wish T were here..., posted by Mme All Talk on July 11, 2006, at 17:16:04
>>> I am struggling so much right now, as my T is on vacation. Its more than that though, I dont know what to do with myself. I cry myself to sleep at night, i am so distraught and alone.
Boy, do I know what you mean about not knowing how to fill a day. I think it really helps not to be alone when you're feeling so down. I find that solitude makes time move backwards. When I've felt terrible I used to just walk outside, or the mall, to remember that I wasn't the only person in the world. Plus, I'd never cry in public. When I cry at home I tend to never be able to stop. Are you able to get out anywhere during the week? You don't even need to talk to anyone if you don't feel like it.
>>>I read books to keep busy during the times that i would be seeing her, and also when i wouldnt be with her just to keep my mind occupied.I used to write to my old T during the appointments she had to cancel. Once before she left on vacation, she gave me a pen and journal and asked if I would write to her while she was away. And then I gave the book back to her when she returned, and we talked about everything I'd said for a ton of sessions after that. Would you ever try something like that? This part is so embarassing, but sometimes, during the time I should've been meeting her, I'd watch movies with T's in them. (holy cow, that's so pathetic) But it sort of helped create an atmosphere that reminded me of her.
>>>>I am so lost, so crazed, so sick from having this break in my treatment, and i have until the end of the month so i have a long time still. I dont know what i will do, i dont see how i will survive this, even if i have so many times before, this is just a living hell and i feel completely alone in it.
I know it's not the same thing, but you're definately not alone in the type of feelings you're having. I wish I knew something moving to say. Your T sounds like she must be pretty great. Do you normally see her weekly? Do you two usually talk about how vacations are when she gets back? How did that go last year?
I'm glad you're posting here. Keep updating about how you're coping. Let me know if you find a good way -- my T is going away around the time yours comes back.
((((Mme))))
Elaine
poster:ElaineM
thread:666129
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/666183.html