Posted by ElaineM on July 6, 2006, at 15:45:52
In reply to An apology, explaination, and *child abuse trigger, posted by happyflower on July 6, 2006, at 13:43:04
Happyflower: I don't think I have anything profound or soothing to say, but you said so much in your post that I just wanted to say something - My panicky, verbal brain-freeze be d*mned. Forgive me if any of this comes out wrong. I often find it hard to transfer my feelings into words.
I can't believe what you have gone through as a child! Some of the stuff you've suffered through made me feel sick to my stomach. It truly did. I can't possibly imagine what all that must've been like for you. And even if I tried, I doubt I'd grasp even a fraction of the terror and hurt, anxiety and confussion.
I'm glad your T has been around to support you so much. I didn't read all of the original thread because I don't have much book-knowledge, or career experience when it comes to MI. So I can't say much about the content. But I do think I'm coming to understand more how both of your reactions came about, and why they make sense. I can see now how both of you could've viewed the comments made in the context of your own individual histories. I had no idea what your background was, but I could feel the incredible amount of pain behind your anger, even before reading about all you've said. And then learning of TofuE's work in the prison system I could understand her reaction more too.
Obviously I don't know you in real life. But from the little I've read you seem like a very nice person. You've seemed dedicated to working through issues (on the board, and with your T), and you regularly post kind, supportive responses to others threads. I know even less of T.E. (I'm not social or articulate or witty enough to post on other boards) but from her response to me before, I've found her to also be supportive and concerned. I mean, I know this is just me but, I've yet to read anything to make me believe either of you are anything but good people : )
Yet, I also recognize that I've only witnessed all of this from a distance. I can't know how it felt to either of you personally at the time, that's why I'd never be qualified to make judgements of blame, or accusations, or anything like that. To be honest too, I can't even comment on language used, and what's civil (I don't know the rules of this site at all really. All I know is to star my swear words. That's about it). I've blabbered on and on here, and I guess what it all comes down to is that I'm sorry BOTH of you ended up so hurt.
I'd hate for either of you to not post anymore. I understand that you'll do what's best for you, but I personally would miss your posts. I've come to recognize most of everyone's screen names as people. I didn't say anything before because I get really really scared of conflict - I can't help but run and hide whenever I see it. But I wanted to give both of you hugs - I remember feeling worried about you both. I know I usually write with so many qualifiers, (it's an annoying trait I can't get rid of), but it's not my intent to seem evasive or anything like that. Maybe I just don't identify well. I don't express anger ever and I don't often recognize it in myself.
If you don't post anymore (which I hope you'll reconsider) I just wanted to thank you for chatting with me that night. I needed something then, or someone, and you were one of the people there who kept me distracted and safe. And if I were going to make a judgement on what kind of a person you were, I'd base mine on that : )
((((((hugs for you, if you want them)))))) and I hope none of this came out wrong.
Elaine
[ Your poem was really intense, especially the allusion between an abused child and a volcano - the potential for distruction, the build up of fire, all under a still and dormant surface. It all just made me sad. Do you find that writing poetry helps you? Either way I think you should keep writing poems. ]
poster:ElaineM
thread:664518
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/664538.html