Posted by scentedgarden on July 4, 2006, at 4:22:19
In reply to Uncertainty -- I'm not very good at it..., posted by Racer on July 4, 2006, at 2:22:35
> That's the theme of my life right now, too.
>
> One of my dearest friends says that what makes a good scientist is a high tolerance for uncertainty. I guess that blows any chance I have of becoming a good scientist.
>
> Right now, a lot of it is about the fertility issues. In a way, although I would be devastated, it might even be easier if they just said there was no chance. But there is a chance, albeit quite a slim chance, so there's my nemesis: uncertainty. And it's feeding into a lot of other things, too, and I'm not responding particularly well to it.
>
> My T brought some of it up today, because I admitted to her that I would have felt a tiny bit of relief, had we been told that there was no chance, because at least then I could lose weight. She thinks that's about uncertainty. That it's because everything else in my life feels so out of control, so I turn towards my one effective if maladaptive coping skill. I'm not sure it's quite that easy. I think it has a lot more to do with identity issues, and self worth, and that whole Calvinistic personal restraint thing. I think one of the things we really need to talk about, and haven't yet gotten into very far, is what being "fat" means. Right now, all I know is that when I think of it, I feel such dread and fear.
>
> Of course, that's partly because I am so very much bigger than I was, and uncomfortable with what it means about me, what's visible for everyone to see about me -- that I have no self control, that I am self indulgent and greedy. Whatever else is involved. {sigh} I think life is much easier online, since no one can see how big I am. In real life, people see me and don't see me, if you know what I mean?
>
> Aw, [warm place] -- I don't even know what I mean!Hello there....i have never written to you before...but, i read your post this morning 10 am here in uk. and i just wanted to say to you a couple of things....In my opinion larger women are much more attractive than skinny women to look at....in fact i'd go as far as to say the whole media circus on what we are 'supposed' to look like is a crock of sh*t...one gr8 big gigantic crock of bull sh*t... and if you look back into the history books women were always large and volumptuous...an amazingly sexy and womanly...My god i just cant stand the lies we have been conditioned to believe for so long now that skin and bone is the way to look healthy and sexy! it's just WRONG...of course thats only my subjective 2 cents worth on the subject...
I was also wondering if you will please let me know what Calvinistice personal restraint is if thats possible....i once went to a church where the order of the day was Calvinistic are those the same things ?...just wondering as i never understood about it then...and havent ever seen the word used that much...so if you feel up to it , i'd love to know what personal restraint calvinistic style means to you Racer...
I also truly understand that your ideas of what looks right to you and what doesnt look right to you is not just gonna change because of what i wrote on the first paragraph, but i wanted to write it anyway just to let you know that i love the image of you...both inside and outside. And of course this is only my opinion, but i suspect that most people if they were truly honest would say that a fuller figured woman is miles more sexy and attractive to look at that hip bones sticking out.... i mean seriouly.....I definately know which one i would want to cuddle into for a comforting hug...
I understand that you think people cant see the real you Racer but i am sure i feel like i can see you online and in my minds eye.and to me you are beautiful!!! seriously you are amazing...please be kind on yourself and dont judge your wonderful self too harshly... ive never met you but i think id really like to meet you...of course the atalantic ocean may be a little far to swim hahaha... but i feel like i have met you in reading your post this morning...and i wanted to let you know i think you're just lovely as you are...
sorry if i went way off the subject about uncertainty...but i think i said what i wanted to say to you.and i hope you dont mind my direct approach...on this subjective subject. take care and a big cyber hug,if thats okay? from scentedgarden
poster:scentedgarden
thread:663903
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060703/msgs/663911.html